So in 7th grade I remember we had to do some Fitness Test that included running a mile. Being the ever chubby girl (which now I look back and realize it wasn't that I was chubby it was just that I wasn't as stick thin as the other girls.) my goal was to NOT come in last, because that would be too embarrassing. (Thank God for Bill, the chubby boy who always came in last.) As I ran up the gravel hill of our small Christian school I distinctly remember thinking that I was going to die or that my lungs must be bleeding inside. I hated every second of that run! The only thing that kept me going was refusing to come in after Bill. My fondness for running has not changed much. I have had brief moments of wanting to run. To love the feeling of being able to run and pound out the stresses of life but a love of running has never developed.
In fact a few weeks ago I was thrilled to be able to WALK two miles in 35 minutes. Not run but walk! I am so out of shape (well, I have a shape but it's not the one I want) that I am celebrating walking! I have a long way to go. But anyway, a friend (an awesome friend who happens to be a personal trainer and has set me on the right track) told me and our church about a charity 5K for the Crisis Pregnancy Center and invited us all to participate. Now, they also had a 1K Walk but for some reason I thought I could handle walking the 5K. Which I know I could have....walked it that is.
So the race begins and a sweet friend who has promised to stay by my side the whole way starts off running with everyone and I'm like ok here we go. Within seconds, everyone is gone except for a few of us stragglers. Then slowly even other stragglers are getting farther and farther away from us. Dads pushing strollers who started after us have now passed us and I realize....Crap! I am going to have to run this thing! My thought going into this was that I would just walk it but no, I was going to have to run.
And run I did. I whined the entire first mile. Convinced that they had forgotten to mark the first mile. Declared that Lent sucks several times. Wondered what the hell I was doing out there and trying to figure out how to get out of this. I got angry when I saw my marathon running friend heading back in the opposite direction before I was even halfway finished...after all, somehow this was all his fault. Around mile 2 I looked at my friend and told her not to mind me as I was was about to have an emotional spiritual moment. It was then that I began crying (although no actual tears came out as I was sweating so much and desperate for a drink of water I was all out of juice.) Crying because I wanted to quit so badly but I knew I couldn't. I realized that worse than coming in last was not finishing at all. I knew that my family- not just Rob and the kids but Da Funk would be waiting for me. I realized that even though I did not believe in myself they believed in me and I could not quit! I began praying and rehearsing in my mind the things Father God had spoken to me during Lent. How He called me to a healthier freer life. A life richer and bigger than I could imagine.
My sister and I have a joke about the fact that she can never live up to my parents' expectations and the fact that I can't ever fail because they have no expectations of me. We tease each other about not knowing which is worse. The bar was never set high for me. I didn't have many options laid out before me other than ministry. I have had to come to a place of forgiving my parents for limiting my future and be thankful for the opportunities I have had. But I realized as I ran that I had to finish because my family, my Da Funk family, expected me to. They believed I could do this and that was what carried me on. This dieting and exercising is about WAY much more than my body and so much more about becoming free from low expectations and walking into the life I was designed to live.
So, off we ran. I eventually told my friend to go on without me. I knew I was holding her back and I hated that. She ran on, but never so far off that I couldn't catch up. The second half of the second mile I heard a noise behind me and I realized it was the police car slowly following me as I was so far behind everyone he was wrapping things up. I have to admit the thought of keeping all those police officers out there longer than necessary made me run faster.... plus I was slightly afraid he would accidentally run me over.
As we came up on mile 3 my friend waited for me as we came upon the man with the bullhorn announcing that everyone was waiting for us. (Was that supposed to be helpful?!) So I dug deep and I ran the last bit where I was joined first by my husband and kids and then by my two accountability partners who cheered and ran with me across the first of many finish lines.
I did it. I didn't quit.
Dead last is better than never starting at all, right?
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| Ecclesia Clear Lake had a great showing! |
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| These friends keep me on track! |
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| The dads who passed us up very early on! |
Support team
Amy, I am extremely proud of you. If I was the "marathon friend" you were referring to, then I reckon it's par for the course since I'm a burr under most people's saddle.
ReplyDeleteI have two things for you that hopefully will give you a little bit of hope & a glimpse into Jody's mindset (Disclaimer: not responsible for any bodily, mental, spiritual injuries as a result of your entering the Jody zone): 1. In high school, I was always dead last in all running events, especially when I got to high school. Yeah, I was a skinny kid but couldn't run. I was picked to be a part of the "Big Man Relay" competing in a 4-man relay in a one lap race @ a high school track meet because I was slow. My knees constantly hurt. My first 5k in high school I finished in about 30 minutes...and I was in shape. 2. In my first triathlon (2nd really but 9 years in between), I finished 2nd to last in my division and while that is not "Dead Last", it was in the Clydesdale division (big guys over 200 lbs)--a little blow to the ego. I don't like people I know that I'm competing against to be faster than me.
Now, you have mentioned in a previous discussion that you don't necessarily have the drive to workout consistently. That's ok. You don't have to have the want or desire to do that. What you do need is to have a hope that you can feel better about yourself each and every day just because you made the attempt to make yourself better in ways that make you feel seriously uncomfortable. What makes it even better is that you have friends here to help you. Your goals are all about you--remember that. If you finished last in this race, don't make it your last...because in your next one, you're going to see someone in the pack & say "I can beat them". Have a goal for you, break it, and set another one. When it comes to exercise or competition, keep moving. It's the only way to get to your goal.
I never had a weight loss goal when I started training over a year ago. I just wanted to compete in a race that I thought would be fun. To get better, my goals didn't change but my actions did and so did my mental approach. I committed to a workout schedule. I ignored how my body felt or weather conditions: tired, aggravated, bored, indifferent, hot, rainy, cold. Those are all selfish things. When I started, I would get winded bending over to tie my shoe. Clothes were uncomfortable. I had an ultimate goal of being in an Ironman--truth is, when I started out, I had no doubt in my mind that I would NEVER do an Ironman. But I wanted to get better. Little by little, I did. It took help from others. You've get it right when it comes to accountability partners. I couldn't do it w/out them. The friends and Da Funk family that come out to my races move me to tears because I'm happy to see them.
In the fine print of a race, my Amy read to me that the only means of completing the run were to be the following forms of locomotion: running, walking, or crawling. Whatever it takes. You can do it. I have faith in you. I'm proud of you.
Keep moving.
Even though you may not have wanted a picture of yourself on there, I went ahead & added a picture of you & your support team. Go team!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. I think you are awesome.
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