As we sat on the bench, I could tell by the look in his eyes that something was happening. His mind was being awakened.
His eyes were opening.
His heart was receiving something.
He took the paper that held the list of all his current misconceptions of God, I handed him the lighter, and we watched the paper burn.
They were misconceptions not because they were wrong, but because they weren't his. Someone in his past had shared with him their idea of forgiveness, and he carried it with him for all these years.
It was time to let it go. Time to watch the ashes blow away in the breeze. Time to believe in a God who forgave already, and wasn't waiting for a magic word or request.
We got on our knees right there in the gravel, and I read the prayer that so many alcoholics before us had read. He repeated after me: "God, I humbly offer myself to you . . . "
Something happened. Something moved, a power unexplainable but real.
As I was taking him home, he told me, "Something happened tonight that I can't explain. I don't what you did to me, but I feel like I surrendered my terms. For real. I don't even know how to describe it."
I listened to him try to describe the indescribable. Smiling like a child eager to see what's going to happen next, I told him, "You better hang on to what you've got. Anything's better than the way you were."
All of this happened on a day when he was supposed to isolate in his hotel room and torture himself over the death of his son - one year ago exactly on the count of suicide. Yet, he went to bed last night with a new thought process, a new outlook on life, a new something to hope for, a new consciousness.
Just a few hours before I sat on the bench with him last night, I was trying to run the show at work. I was so off balance and irritated that I couldn't help but walk around in silent scorn, cursing the ground I walked on. My little plans were getting threatened. Unexpected problems kept coming. People weren't doing what I wanted them to do. It was one of those days where I was happy just to get out of there without having to make any amends.
From that, to getting on my knees with another human being, and offering ourselves to God.
Is it really willpower that gets us anywhere in this life? Is it really the hard work, determination, and self strength that gets us out of binds and into the sacred spaces of life?
Was it really what I said to my friend that made him feel like "something came over me, like a ten ton pile of bricks was lifted off my chest?"
I don't think so. I'm just a conduit, a vessel of spiritual electricity. If I choose to let it run through me, it leaves me fast enough to not get mixed in with the pitiful self-will that runs through my veins and looks for every chance it can get to get its own way.
But, what a beautiful thing it can be to let the power of God run right on through, like a surge of energy that can be transferred to anyone who will have it - anyone willing to receive it.
The only power I have is the power given to me, and if I give it away it's being used correctly. If I hold onto it, it becomes distorted, disillusioned, and deceiving. It gets tainted and shaped and mutated into this monster that wants to rule the people around me.
His eyes were opening.
His heart was receiving something.
He took the paper that held the list of all his current misconceptions of God, I handed him the lighter, and we watched the paper burn.
They were misconceptions not because they were wrong, but because they weren't his. Someone in his past had shared with him their idea of forgiveness, and he carried it with him for all these years.
It was time to let it go. Time to watch the ashes blow away in the breeze. Time to believe in a God who forgave already, and wasn't waiting for a magic word or request.
We got on our knees right there in the gravel, and I read the prayer that so many alcoholics before us had read. He repeated after me: "God, I humbly offer myself to you . . . "
Something happened. Something moved, a power unexplainable but real.
As I was taking him home, he told me, "Something happened tonight that I can't explain. I don't what you did to me, but I feel like I surrendered my terms. For real. I don't even know how to describe it."
I listened to him try to describe the indescribable. Smiling like a child eager to see what's going to happen next, I told him, "You better hang on to what you've got. Anything's better than the way you were."
All of this happened on a day when he was supposed to isolate in his hotel room and torture himself over the death of his son - one year ago exactly on the count of suicide. Yet, he went to bed last night with a new thought process, a new outlook on life, a new something to hope for, a new consciousness.
Just a few hours before I sat on the bench with him last night, I was trying to run the show at work. I was so off balance and irritated that I couldn't help but walk around in silent scorn, cursing the ground I walked on. My little plans were getting threatened. Unexpected problems kept coming. People weren't doing what I wanted them to do. It was one of those days where I was happy just to get out of there without having to make any amends.
Is it really willpower that gets us anywhere in this life? Is it really the hard work, determination, and self strength that gets us out of binds and into the sacred spaces of life?
Was it really what I said to my friend that made him feel like "something came over me, like a ten ton pile of bricks was lifted off my chest?"
I don't think so. I'm just a conduit, a vessel of spiritual electricity. If I choose to let it run through me, it leaves me fast enough to not get mixed in with the pitiful self-will that runs through my veins and looks for every chance it can get to get its own way.
But, what a beautiful thing it can be to let the power of God run right on through, like a surge of energy that can be transferred to anyone who will have it - anyone willing to receive it.
The only power I have is the power given to me, and if I give it away it's being used correctly. If I hold onto it, it becomes distorted, disillusioned, and deceiving. It gets tainted and shaped and mutated into this monster that wants to rule the people around me.
No comments:
Post a Comment