Lambs and Doves (John 1:29-34)

    I was talking to my boss the other day about some theological questions.  He had opened up with a question that caught me off-guard.  He asked, "What are your views on masturbation?"  I paused for a second, wondering what kind of trap he was setting up for me to play into.  After thinking for a couple of seconds, I said, "I think it can be a healthy sexual practice."  He looked at me for a second, and said, "I'm still on the fence."  The conversation would have been really awkward had it stopped right there, but it went much further and we entered into the issue of sexual immorality and what the Bible says about it.  We disagree with each other about a lot of stuff, but on one thing we absolutely agree - that we need Jesus.  As he was bringing up questions of sin and breaking the law of the old Testament, I couldn't help but think of the way that we Christians sometimes live Jewishly.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I believe the Jewish traditions are beautiful and show a deep, mystical reverence and worship of God.  Because of Jewish law, we're able to see much deeper into the mysteries of Jesus and the symbolism that occurs throughout the new testament scriptures.

     In the case of the gospel of John, we are painted a picture of the Jordan River.  There are probably hundreds of people standing on the shoreline, watching and listening to John talk about things they've never heard before.  John says that "God's passover lamb is here," and he mentions that he saw "the spirit come and stay on him."  The lamb and the dove play very significant roles in the life of the Jew.  In the sacrificial traditions of Jewish life, lambs are used for absolution offerings.  Absolution offering is required for forgiveness of sins.  The dove was used as a whole burnt offering.  The Torah tells us that the aromas of the whole burnt offerings are very pleasing to God.  Also, we remember the story of Noah, and how he used a dove to scope out the prospects of dry land during the days of the flood.  Noah sent the dove out to find life in a dead world.  The significance behind the words that John uses to introduce Jesus are very important to the Christian.

    The reason I say that many of us Christians live more Jewish than Christian is that we forget what the lamb and the dove represent in regards to Jesus entering the world.  If we could have had a video camera rolling tape among the crowd standing on the edge of the Jordan, we probably would have caught the faces of a people who were in absolutely in awe of a new concept that involved language very familiar to them.  What John was saying was this:  "A man is here who is taking on the role of the sacrificial lamb.  He forgives not only your sins, but the sins of the world!  The dove is whole and alive, and has found a dwelling place.  You don't have to scrub yourself clean any longer from your sins!"

     As a recovered alcoholic, and a Christian, I know all too well what it's like to call myself a Christian but to have a Jewish understanding.  My sins were many and my sacrificial offerings were not animals, but practices.  It was a routine for me to close the bar down at 2:00 a.m., pass out, and then wake up religiously at 4:30 and head to my quiet place to use the scriptures as my absolution - or my dove offering.  I would pray for everyone I could think of, and memorize one passage of scripture before I left for work.  In this way, I would be atoned for my sins the night before and would be safeguarded throughout my day at work.  I was a proclaimed Christian living the life of a Jew.  I knew much about what Christ said, but knew nothing of what Christ did.  The Sermon on the Mount became my battle cry, but the cross of Christ was a "nice notion."

     The story of the lamb and the dove have much significance to all of us.  No matter who we are, we know what it's like to screw up, feel bad about it, and devote time and energy to scrubbing ourselves clean from our mistakes.  In other words, we all practice at some time or another, rituals and sacrifices in the hope of wholeness.  I believe that John the Baptist is proclaiming here that there is another way.  A man has shown up who has become our sacrifice.  He has become our lambs, doves, apologies, firm resolutions, and promises to never to (fill in the blank) again.  As we go out today, we remember who Christ represents.  One of the phrases I've learned to use that helps me out a lot is, "I'm okay with not being okay."  Do we believe this?  As we screw up today, may we not try to scrub ourselves clean.  Rather, may we be pointed to the One who has already forgiven and scrubbed us clean.  May we be okay with not being okay today.  Amen.

Those Criminals (Belated Post for Ash Wednesday)

Hey fam!!  For Lent, I am following the lectionary as part of my morning meditation, and then asking God to reveal to me something to write about pertaining to day's passage.  I can't guarantee that I'll be on top of it all forty days but I'm gonna try.  This first post is what I wrote this morning (Ash Wednesday morning).  I thought this could be a way I could contribute to the group's lenten experience.  See ya' tomorrow!!

When I was in junior high, I would pride myself on not being like the kids who cussed and talked about sexual things in the hallway.  When I was in high school, I thought highly of myself for not being one of those students who did drugs or listened to Marilyn Manson.  When I was in college, I hated myself and I wasn't content with being myself.  Over the last few years, I've prided myself on not being like those religious folks who see everything as black or white.

I grew up in Pasadena in a Southern Baptist church.  One day, a bunch of folks from the church went to a local hospital that was known to practice abortion.  We each carried signs that said things like, "Stop killing babies," and "Abortion is Murder."  Inwardly, I was developing my own spiritual protest. Thank you God I'm not like them.

Jesus gives a parable about two men who going to the temple one day.  One is a Pharisee, who wraps his life around how well he keeps up the religious rules.  The other is a tax collector, or nowadays, an IRS agent.  The Pharisee probably sits on the front row, making sure the priest can see him.  He probably makes sure his body language is seen by everyone around him as he thanks God that he's not like robbers, or crooks, or adulterers.  He tells God of how unlike those sinners, he fasts throughout the week and tithes off of all his income.

The IRS agent is sitting off in the shadows of the temple.  He keeps to himself, face in hands, knowing that he has pissed a lot of people off this week.  He's sincere and doesn't care about who's sitting in the pews around him.  He may have even seized the property of someone sitting in the same room at some time in the last year.  He's despised by most.

Jesus tells us that the IRS agent asks God for mercy and admits that he's a sinner.  The Pharisee doesn't need mercy and prides himself on not being a sinner.  Jesus says that the IRS agent walked home from the temple "made right with God."  Jesus closes by saying that when we walk around thinking we're better than everyone else, we fall flat on our faces; but when we are content with being simply ourselves, we become more than ourselves.

Which of these two men am I?  I wish I could say that I'm the IRS agent who's sitting sincerely with his face in his hands, kneeling at the feet of mercy.  The fact is that I have prejudice in my life.  While I don't look down on the "commoners" like the Pharisee did, I think I'm spiritually better than most religious nuts.  I still wait for God to pat me on the back for not being one of the pious Sunday preachers who gets his kick out of telling others why they are wrong.  Truth be told, when I look down at anybody I will fall flat on my face.  There's no telling how long it will take, but I will eventually slam my nose into the ground.

Basically, I'm still not completely content with simply being myself.  That being said, I'm selling myself short.  When I carry prejudice toward anyone, I'm actually seeing the parts of me that I'm not content with.

If you've paid any attention to the news lately, you know about the former police officer who shot and killed two LAPD officers last week.  He's been on the run, and the police believe they've surrounded him in a cabin that "mysteriously" caught on fire.  A charred body is lying in that cabin, and the police believe it is him.

How many of us paying attention to this story have thought to ourselves, "God, thank you that I'm not that guy."  I've found it thrilling to watch the play-by-play of this story.  Last night, I couldn't help myself from reloading the Google News webpage every minute or so to see the latest details of the story.  I find the story thrilling because I have completely separated myself from the likes of this deranged man.  When stories like this come out, the suspect becomes my scapegoat.  I can think to myself as I'm watching the sins unfold, Thank you God I'm not like this criminal.  As long as there's somebody out there worse than I am, I can rest assured that my devout religious practices and prayers will hold me up a little while longer.  I don't need mercy right now.

Thankfully, I'm getting a little better at admitting how bad I really am.  Prejudice has been a part of my life for way too long, and it's gotten to the point where I realize that it just doesn't do for me what I once thought it did.  It doesn't bring me peace, it only brings resentment.  While I think I'm better than someone else, on the inside I'm afraid of who I really am and who I want to be.  Like the IRS agent pleading in the temple, I am in deep need of mercy.  I'm a self-centered, egotistical, lust-filled, porno-watching, self-pitied sinner, in need of mercy.  There's no amount of prayer or ministry that will fill my need for the mercy that only God can give.

If I can be okay with not being okay, I can become content by simply being myself.  And, when I become content with myself, I become more than myself.  I've let go of me just enough that a power much greater than myself has some room to work.  There's nothing better than contentment, especially for those of us who are living paycheck to paycheck, struggling through the fear of not knowing what we want to do, or how we're going to get there.  We have the opportunity to be content still, and it's a peace that fills every crack of our broken lives.  Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on us sinners.

Lent Mindset

If there is one thing I have learned from my Lent experiences, is that you have to go into it with the right mindset. I have included a few things that I would hope you would incorporate into how you view Lent:

1. It's not all about you. It's about allowing God to work through you.
2. You don't have to like it. 
3. You will do it (daily) whether you want to or not or if it's convenient.
4. Set goals. Set them in areas of your spiritual walk, service to others, physical fitness accountability, and friends/family.
5. Your goals should be written down but don't need to be.
6. Set goals you can accomplish easily.
7. Most importantly, set goals that will stretch you. Do things you know are correct, but they "aren't you", "not your passion", piss you off, make you late for things, or, my favorite, something that scares the crap out of you.
8. Share your goals with people, everyone. They're your accountability partners. Don't look for an enabler to coddle you and say it's ok to stay the way you are. If you're perfect, then I guess it's ok.
9. Expect to grow. Whether it takes the 40 days of Lent or longer, expect it.
10. Don't stop once Lent is over. Look around you and set a benchmark to grow again from his point. Don't go backwards.
11. I love this one. Never stop challenging those things you believe. Stand it up next to what Jesus taught his disciples. Look for your reasoning for why you believe certain things. Play devil's advocate and force yourself to see things from a point of view you may never have considered. If you believe the same thing when you're done, great. If you don't, great.
12. You don't always have to believe something to learn from it.
13. Commit yourself to be willing to put yourself last. 
14. Talk about your struggles with your Journey through Lent with folks. The words "me too" can be just what you need to hear.
15. It's only 40 days.
16. Don't worry about looking at yourself daily to see how much you've changed. You can do that at the end of the 40 days. Instead, think about the lives you have impacted and lives that will change through the power that Christ instills in you through your sacrifice of yourself for His kingdom.
17. Be honest with yourself.
18. This may somewhat contradict #4, #5, and #6, you may not have a goal. Don't set one. Instead, throw yourself a Lent tradition of "giving something up" and see if God opens your eyes up that way. You can always add goals as you go.
19. Give up something you cling to that is hindering your walk with Christ.
20. Add something to your to daily walk with Christ that will allow you to walk a little closer to Him.

I probably have more, but that's a good start.

Hating Lent,

Jody

Sometimes we need to hear it

The conversation in my circle of friends recently has revolved around our calling as followers of Jesus to love people, even when the circumstances are hard and the people are difficult.  This week it was put in the context of the 1 Corinthians "love passage".  You know the one you hear at almost every wedding you've ever gone to.

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.  (1Corinthians 13: 4-8, NIV)

These words seem easier for us to understand at a wedding, when the emotion of love is so evident that it is almost tangible.  Before the realization that loving people, spouses or anybody for that matter, can be hard.  Once it gets hard to love someone, for whatever reason, these words that Paul shares with us about how to love become that much more profound and challenging.  Saying love is patient and love is kind is easy when you are still in the "I can't spend a second without you" phase or the "we should be best friends" phase.  But those words are much more difficult when you think about that co-worker or classmate that is annoying, rude, loud, selfish, awkward; or in other words just plain difficult to love.  However, that is exactly what we are called to do, love them.  This is a much needed lesson for us to learn, and a necessary lifestyle for us to choose.

But there is something key in the midst of this lesson we cannot forget.  We are able to love others who are hard to love, because we know that we are at times very hard to love, and yet God loves us.  Not to get bogged down in semantics, but we cannot lose sight of this point.  God does not love us because we are able to love others.  We are able to love others because God loves us.

The reality is, sometimes we cannot believe that this is true.  We cannot believe that in the midst of who we are or what we have done that God still loves us.  Sometimes, we do God's job for him and judge ourselves as not worthy.  There are other times we cannot see God's love for whatever reason, whether that is our own busyness or disconnectedness.  Our mind gets so cluttered with to-do lists, and responsibilities, and errands, which eventually our soul becomes clogged and makes the presence of God's love a distant and foggy idea as opposed to the reality that we once knew.  Then, to make matters worse, once we realize any of these things have happened in our lives, we can become even more judgmental of ourselves all over again for letting these things overtake our ability to live in the midst of God's love.  And it becomes a vicious cycle.

In 1 John 4:8, it states that "God is love."  Not that God is like love, or God loves, or God is lovely; but God IS love.  Being a math teacher, I work with the transitive property all of the time.  You know it too, if a = b, and b = c, then a = c.  With that thought in mind, what if we looked back at the Corinthians passage and instead of reading the word love (a word that has been watered down in our modern English language) we replaced it with God.  It would read:

God is patient, God is kind. He does not envy, He does not boast, He is not proud.  He does not dishonor others, He is not self-seeking, He is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs.  God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  God never fails.  (1Corinthians 13: 4-8, "remix")

In those moments where we have shut off our ability to experience God's love, or gotten to a place where we feel we do not deserve God's love, or have allowed all of the distractions of life to drown out God's love; maybe we should read these words about God's patience, and kindness, and inevitable endurance, and repeat them to ourselves and realize that these words are just as true for us as they are for the people we have a difficult time loving.  We are called to love, even when it is hard.  We are called to show people that God’s love is patient, kind, true, and enduring.  But, how could we ever show anybody that all of these aspects of God's love are true for them if we do not believe they are true for ourselves?

We Could Sponsor a Child as a Community

Jeff asked us to share what we would like to do as a group to enter in to the hells on earth...my first thought was how cool it would be if our MC sponsored a child.

 I am not sure how many people are in our MC total, but if we sponsored a child through World Vision, it would cost each individual or couple no more than $2 a month.  If extra is given, we could use it to give that child extra gifts.  Everyone could write letters and bring photos occasionally to MC and I could mail them.

Alternatively, if we want to we could sponsor a child through Make Way Partners.  Those are children in orphanages in Sudan...in Darfur, in the currently-being-bombed Nuba mountains.  Those full sponsorships are more...$115, I think.  I will bring picture folders and information on Thursday.

Kim

Dead Last

I posted this on my blog, minus a paragraph I didn't feel completely free posting for all of my readers. If you already read this on my blog you can jump down to the highlighted paragraph.

So in 7th grade I remember we had to do some Fitness Test that included running a mile. Being the ever chubby girl (which now I look back and realize it wasn't that I was chubby it was just that I wasn't as stick thin as the other girls.) my goal was to NOT come in last, because that would be too embarrassing. (Thank God for Bill, the chubby boy who always came in last.) As I ran up the gravel hill of our small Christian school I distinctly remember thinking that I was going to die or that my lungs must be bleeding inside. I hated every second of that run! The only thing that kept me going was refusing to come in after Bill. My fondness for running has not changed much. I have had brief moments of wanting to run. To love the feeling of being able to run and pound out the stresses of life but a love of running has never developed.

In fact a few weeks ago I was thrilled to be able to WALK two miles in 35 minutes. Not run but walk! I am so out of shape (well, I have a shape but it's not the one I want) that I am celebrating walking! I have a long way to go. But anyway, a friend (an awesome friend who happens to be a personal trainer and has set me on the right track) told me and our church about a charity 5K for the Crisis Pregnancy Center and invited us all to participate. Now, they also had a 1K Walk but for some reason I thought I could handle walking the 5K. Which I know I could have....walked it that is.

So the race begins and a sweet friend who has promised to stay by my side the whole way starts off running with everyone and I'm like ok here we go. Within seconds, everyone is gone except for a few of us stragglers. Then slowly even other stragglers are getting farther and farther away from us. Dads pushing strollers who started after us have now passed us and I realize....Crap! I am going to have to run this thing! My thought going into this was that I would just walk it but no, I was going to have to run.

And run I did. I whined the entire first mile. Convinced that they had forgotten to mark the first mile. Declared that Lent sucks several times. Wondered what the hell I was doing out there and trying to figure out how to get out of this. I got angry when I saw my marathon running friend heading back in the opposite direction before I was even halfway finished...after all, somehow this was all his fault. Around mile 2 I looked at my friend and told her not to mind me as I was was about to have an emotional spiritual moment. It was then that I began crying (although no actual tears came out as I was sweating so much and desperate for a drink of water I was all out of juice.) Crying because I wanted to quit so badly but I knew I couldn't. I realized that worse than coming in last was not finishing at all. I knew that my family- not just Rob and the kids but Da Funk would be waiting for me. I realized that even though I did not believe in myself they believed in me and I could not quit! I began praying and rehearsing in my mind the things Father God had spoken to me during Lent. How He called me to a healthier freer life. A life richer and bigger than I could imagine.

My sister and I have a joke about the fact that she can never live up to my parents' expectations and the fact that I can't ever fail because they have no expectations of me. We tease each other about not knowing which is worse. The bar was never set high for me. I didn't have many options laid out before me other than ministry. I have had to come to a place of forgiving my parents for limiting my future and be thankful for the opportunities I have had. But I realized as I ran that I had to finish because my family, my Da Funk family, expected me to. They believed I could do this and that was what carried me on. This dieting and exercising is about WAY much more than my body and so much more about becoming free from low expectations and walking into the life I was designed to live.

So, off we ran. I eventually told my friend to go on without me. I knew I was holding her back and I hated that. She ran on, but never so far off that I couldn't catch up. The second half of the second mile I heard a noise behind me and I realized it was the police car slowly following me as I was so far behind everyone he was wrapping things up. I have to admit the thought of keeping all those police officers out there longer than necessary made me run faster.... plus I was slightly afraid he would accidentally run me over.

As we came up on mile 3 my friend waited for me as we came upon the man with the bullhorn announcing that everyone was waiting for us. (Was that supposed to be helpful?!) So I dug deep and I ran the last bit where I was joined first by my husband and kids and then by my two accountability partners who cheered and ran with me across the first of many finish lines.

I did it. I didn't quit.

Dead last is better than never starting at all, right?

Ecclesia Clear Lake had a great showing!

These friends keep me on track!

The dads who passed us up very early on!

Support team

Jon's Stories

Going back to the people I've wronged is extremely nerve-racking. I know that we've been talking about going up to people that we've judged. In my translation, it's people that I've harmed in any way. If I don't do it, I don't stay sober. The process of finding out where they are geographically, and in life, is shooting holes right through my pride. Setting out to make wrongs right is like being told an electric fence is turned off, and hesitantly walking up to pat it with the back of my hand just to make sure. I'm told it's not hot, but I still worried I'm gonna get shocked.

The first on my list was with an ex-girlfriend. Even though we're seeemingly on good terms, I still felt so fearful and worried about how it would turn out. I carry index cards with the following information: a plus or minus sign in the top right corner representing how willing I am to make the amends. At the top it says, "I cannot stay sober if I don't straighten things out with you." Under that is the name of the person. Under that is written exactly how I've harmed the person. Following those are the questions, "Is there anything else I've done to cause you harm?" and "Is there anything I can do to make this right?" I admitted my wrongs and the person said they didn't know how to respond. I was okay with that. My side of the street was finally clean. But then they asked, "Will you tell me how I've hurt you?" That is a trap question. I did not answer that one because this is about admitting my wrongs, not theirs. I diplomatically explained that I could not do that. We left on good terms, and I feel that the blockage that was between us has disappeared. Thanks God.

My second amends happened with my boss, someone I have gossiped and complained about for quite some time. I've given my co-workers reason to not like this person, to think this person is evil. I've disrespected this person's authority by not doing what they've asked me to do. When I saw the person, I asked them to join me in the office, and I explained to them how I cannot stay sober if I don't straighten things out with you. I told them specifically how I've gossiped and complained, and asked if there was anything I could do to make it right. The person said, "Nope. You're good." We hugged and left the office. I've had no trouble respecting this person since. Thanks God.

The third amends happened tonight with a group I recently started meeting with on Sunday nights after church. Two weeks ago, we ran into a situation where I believed much differently than they did. I felt like I was being cornered. I felt attacked. In response, I attacked and spoke over them. I didn't listen to what they had to say, but got angry and judgmental and disrupted the harmony of the group. The meeting ended prematurely because of it. I felt like a victim, like I was being persecuted. This sort of thing happens more often than not. Needless to say, I don't believe God wants me to be angry and He wants me to let other people be entitled to believe what they want. I went back tonight, and we had a cookout. Towards the end, we were all sitting around talking about the sad state of the church, and I told everyone I had something to get off my chest. I said, "I was wrong two weeks ago. I got angry and defensive and disrupted the harmony of the group." I went on to explain how I've struggled for a long time letting other people be entitled to believe what they want, not what I would have them believe. After all, I'm not God or the Spirit. They received my amends well. I came into this group with the intention of diving into the Scriptures with a very knowledgeable teacher. I know now that I'm in this to practice the art of restraining the tongue when I feel opposed. Thanks God.

Ya'll are awesome. How do I read your stories? I'll have more after this week. Wish me luck!