1 Kings 21:17-29
Elijah
gets word that Ahab is on his way to claim Naboth's vineyard for his
own. Naboth - through the manipulation of Ahab's wife - has been stoned
to death. It was all in an effort to steal Naboth's vineyard.
Elijah confronts Ahab and says, "First murder, and now theft? What the hell do you think you're doing? Because of what you and your crazy wife have done, God will make mincemeat of your descendants. The same spot where the dogs lapped up Naboth's blood will become the spot where your blood will be licked by the same dogs. The blood of Jezebel will be licked up by the dogs all across Israel. Anyone tainted by the name of Ahab will be eaten by stray dogs, and corpses in the countryside will be eaten by scavaging crows. Doom is coming to you asshole!"
Because Ahab fears what Elijah tells him, he starts ripping his clothes to shreds - the public display of mourning in Jewish tradition. He puts on a penitential burlap cloth and starts fasting. He even sleeps in burlap pajamas. He's bopped til the very last drop, and knows that death is on the way if he doesn't change something. Impending doom fills his mind and causes him to start doing things a little differently.
Elijah takes notice of what Ahab is doing, the kind of repentance he's displaying, and senses that God will spare him in his lifetime.
I looked at porn last night, and it's gotten to the point where I don't even remember how often I look at it. It's all a blur. It's not even about right or wrong anymore, but about powerlessness. I've lost the power of choice when it comes to it. I don't have the power to change my thinking when the thought comes, and there is only one way to escape the controlling, powerful thoughts. The only way is prayer. And, its to the point where if my heart is not sincere, prayer doesn't work.
Here's what happens when I pray with a sincere heart. I get on my knees before I find myself alone. I ask God to direct my thinking. My thinking becomes clear, and through His power I resist.
When I pray with an insincere heart, or don't pray at all, there is no mental defense in the world that will keep me from doing what I know is wrong. It's going to take something that I don't have to get me out of this obsession. It was the same way with alcohol. It's the same way with the desire to control other people. It's the same way with anger.
When I face whatever struggle is going on at the time, and I don't rely on God to get me through it, I will "bop til I drop." What that means is, I'm going to take it all the way to the gates of insanity. I'm going to drink it to the very last drop. Unless the fear or pain get to the point where I finally give up, I'm going to keep on boppin'. When I hit rock bottom, I don't have any power left to continue doing what's been torturing my mind. I'm left with no other choice but to rely on God.
So, the only reprieve I have between where I am now, and rock bottom, is prayer. The only power there is to stop anything that's kicking my ass is outside of myself. I connect to that power through prayer, but prayer is not abstract. It is action. It requires getting on my knees. It requires believing. It requires doing this over and over, until the liability is turned into an asset.
Repentance is experiencing the futility and hopelessness of the path I'm heading down, and doing something about it. It is not about thinking the right thoughts, because if that were the case then I could just change my mind. I can't use the same thinking that got me into the problem, to relieve me of the problem. Repentance is opening myself up to the possibility that God can save me from myself, and then tapping into the power that's available through action.
I don't believe that God is a God of doom, holding punishment for our disobedience in one hand, and grace in another. I believe God is present in everything we do, always listening and trying to work with us. There are things in our lives that keep us from being fully awake to the wooing and inviting of God, so we find ourselves lacking in those areas. We find ourselves unable to be fully alive in those areas, unable to contribute to the world and God's kingdom. Our God is about restoration not condemnation though, and invites us to open ourselves up to the possibility of real and lasting change - the kind that's on his terms and not ours. It's the kind of change that replaces chaos with peace and hopelessness with renewed satisfaction with life.
May we open ourselves up to the possibility that God can and will give us the power to resist the things that are driving us mad. May we realize that we don't have the power by default. May we realize that there are liabilities in our lives that need to become assets, because we really do have beautiful things to contribute to this world.
Today's Action: Pay attention to our thought patterns today. As soon as the threadbare thought comes about doing whatever thing it is that drives us mad, get on our knees and pray. Ask God to direct our thinking. Repeat this over and over.
Elijah confronts Ahab and says, "First murder, and now theft? What the hell do you think you're doing? Because of what you and your crazy wife have done, God will make mincemeat of your descendants. The same spot where the dogs lapped up Naboth's blood will become the spot where your blood will be licked by the same dogs. The blood of Jezebel will be licked up by the dogs all across Israel. Anyone tainted by the name of Ahab will be eaten by stray dogs, and corpses in the countryside will be eaten by scavaging crows. Doom is coming to you asshole!"
Because Ahab fears what Elijah tells him, he starts ripping his clothes to shreds - the public display of mourning in Jewish tradition. He puts on a penitential burlap cloth and starts fasting. He even sleeps in burlap pajamas. He's bopped til the very last drop, and knows that death is on the way if he doesn't change something. Impending doom fills his mind and causes him to start doing things a little differently.
Elijah takes notice of what Ahab is doing, the kind of repentance he's displaying, and senses that God will spare him in his lifetime.
I looked at porn last night, and it's gotten to the point where I don't even remember how often I look at it. It's all a blur. It's not even about right or wrong anymore, but about powerlessness. I've lost the power of choice when it comes to it. I don't have the power to change my thinking when the thought comes, and there is only one way to escape the controlling, powerful thoughts. The only way is prayer. And, its to the point where if my heart is not sincere, prayer doesn't work.
Here's what happens when I pray with a sincere heart. I get on my knees before I find myself alone. I ask God to direct my thinking. My thinking becomes clear, and through His power I resist.
When I pray with an insincere heart, or don't pray at all, there is no mental defense in the world that will keep me from doing what I know is wrong. It's going to take something that I don't have to get me out of this obsession. It was the same way with alcohol. It's the same way with the desire to control other people. It's the same way with anger.
When I face whatever struggle is going on at the time, and I don't rely on God to get me through it, I will "bop til I drop." What that means is, I'm going to take it all the way to the gates of insanity. I'm going to drink it to the very last drop. Unless the fear or pain get to the point where I finally give up, I'm going to keep on boppin'. When I hit rock bottom, I don't have any power left to continue doing what's been torturing my mind. I'm left with no other choice but to rely on God.
So, the only reprieve I have between where I am now, and rock bottom, is prayer. The only power there is to stop anything that's kicking my ass is outside of myself. I connect to that power through prayer, but prayer is not abstract. It is action. It requires getting on my knees. It requires believing. It requires doing this over and over, until the liability is turned into an asset.
Repentance is experiencing the futility and hopelessness of the path I'm heading down, and doing something about it. It is not about thinking the right thoughts, because if that were the case then I could just change my mind. I can't use the same thinking that got me into the problem, to relieve me of the problem. Repentance is opening myself up to the possibility that God can save me from myself, and then tapping into the power that's available through action.
I don't believe that God is a God of doom, holding punishment for our disobedience in one hand, and grace in another. I believe God is present in everything we do, always listening and trying to work with us. There are things in our lives that keep us from being fully awake to the wooing and inviting of God, so we find ourselves lacking in those areas. We find ourselves unable to be fully alive in those areas, unable to contribute to the world and God's kingdom. Our God is about restoration not condemnation though, and invites us to open ourselves up to the possibility of real and lasting change - the kind that's on his terms and not ours. It's the kind of change that replaces chaos with peace and hopelessness with renewed satisfaction with life.
May we open ourselves up to the possibility that God can and will give us the power to resist the things that are driving us mad. May we realize that we don't have the power by default. May we realize that there are liabilities in our lives that need to become assets, because we really do have beautiful things to contribute to this world.
Today's Action: Pay attention to our thought patterns today. As soon as the threadbare thought comes about doing whatever thing it is that drives us mad, get on our knees and pray. Ask God to direct our thinking. Repeat this over and over.
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