When I first started dating my current girlfriend, I was stepping into a love story. It was the classic screwed-up-boy meets screwed-up-girl love story.
Despite the fact that I was new to sobriety, messed up in the head, and aimlessly running my life, I had feelings inside of me that I couldn't avoid. The thing inside of me that I was experiencing drew my attention away from several important points of chaos surrounding the relationship.
But, we were in love. Who cares about anything when they're in love?
And so, after awhile the feelings of being in love faded into feelings of shame and secrecy and doubt and confusion.
We were afraid to openly acknowledge our relationship, because we thought people would disapprove of our decisions.
For about six months, we kept everything on the down low. We would stay apart at social events, never talk to each other on Facebook, and never act like we were a thing. What would people think if we did that?
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There came a time though when both of us knew that if we were going to have any chance of sustaining this relationship, we were going to have to accept the craziness that came along with it. Otherwise, we would each have to walk away and put it behind us.
We prayed and talked and confided in some trusted friends about what we were doing and where we were headed.
And, out of chaos and confusion and ugliness came a story of redemption and rescue and hope.
What once seemed hopeless and shameful became a source of strength and growth.
In the beginning, there were a bunch of elementary principles that drove us mad, like
don't have sex before marriage
and
don't lust after a married woman
and
God hates divorce
and
thou shall not commit adultery
and
every waking moment we were together or apart, these sayings that had stuck with us since childhood prevented us from being able to see the forest through the few ugly trees.
We were so driven by the black and white theological principles that we'd accepted early on in life, that we weren't able to see God in the mess.
Instead of being grateful for the gift, we hid it in the closet of shame. Instead of experiencing the joy of relationship, we were bound to the laws that were given us.
It wasn't until we were able to let go of all the knowledge we'd accumulated over the years, that we were able to start seeing the beauty, the storyline, the underlying plot of redemption.
And it wasn't until we were able to see the storyline of redemption that we were able to start growing.
The bar was being raised, and we had to find a way to rise with it.
Many of us are still so stuck on theological concepts that were given to us at a young age, that we've completely thrown out the possibility of a God who loves us in spite of how bad we are or how bad the things are that we've done or are doing.
The world tells us that we are living in sin, or going against God's will, or need to repent, or need to get saved, or whatever.
And so, we get turned off, burnt out, and wiped out by this overwhelming since of failure and hopelessness because we just can't seem to beat the game.
We adopt this mindset that since we are living in sin, we can never experience that God.
And so, we throw away all the unlimited possibilities of experiencing God on levels that make sense to us because of someone else's concepts.
Since we don't want to deal with it or even consider whether these concepts are right or wrong, we walk away completely.
And as a result, we consign ourselves to everlasting spiritual elementary school.
We drop out, forever stuck with somebody else's concepts driving our lives, and our beliefs, and our concepts of God.
If we do form any beliefs or ideas about the divine, they are all driven from a source of antagonism, a source of prejudice against all those things that those people said.
I'm convinced that part of following God is unlearning all the concepts that were ever given to us, even if they were given to us by trusted people. If we are to move on to the next grade, say middle school or junior high, we eventually have to start examining all the beliefs that we've acquired over the years and ask ourselves, "Is this my faith or someone else's?"
The concepts that my girlfriend and I were being driven by were not our own. They were our parents', our teachers', and our spiritual leaders'. We had never felt the need to decide what we believed for ourselves. And so, we had a choice to make. One would end in walking away completely, and the other would lead to spiritual growth.
We chose to stick with it, and because of it, the spiritual bars are constantly being raised. What once was common sense is now uncommon sense.
Point to consider today: If we take an honest look at our belief systems today, are they based out of a source of antagonism against somebody else's beliefs? Are they our own? Are we doing the hard work of developing our own faith? Or, are we content with never seeing past the few ugly trees that blind us from the beauty of the forest?
Despite the fact that I was new to sobriety, messed up in the head, and aimlessly running my life, I had feelings inside of me that I couldn't avoid. The thing inside of me that I was experiencing drew my attention away from several important points of chaos surrounding the relationship.
But, we were in love. Who cares about anything when they're in love?
And so, after awhile the feelings of being in love faded into feelings of shame and secrecy and doubt and confusion.
We were afraid to openly acknowledge our relationship, because we thought people would disapprove of our decisions.
For about six months, we kept everything on the down low. We would stay apart at social events, never talk to each other on Facebook, and never act like we were a thing. What would people think if we did that?
There came a time though when both of us knew that if we were going to have any chance of sustaining this relationship, we were going to have to accept the craziness that came along with it. Otherwise, we would each have to walk away and put it behind us.
We prayed and talked and confided in some trusted friends about what we were doing and where we were headed.
And, out of chaos and confusion and ugliness came a story of redemption and rescue and hope.
What once seemed hopeless and shameful became a source of strength and growth.
In the beginning, there were a bunch of elementary principles that drove us mad, like
don't have sex before marriage
and
don't lust after a married woman
and
God hates divorce
and
thou shall not commit adultery
and
every waking moment we were together or apart, these sayings that had stuck with us since childhood prevented us from being able to see the forest through the few ugly trees.
We were so driven by the black and white theological principles that we'd accepted early on in life, that we weren't able to see God in the mess.
Instead of being grateful for the gift, we hid it in the closet of shame. Instead of experiencing the joy of relationship, we were bound to the laws that were given us.
It wasn't until we were able to let go of all the knowledge we'd accumulated over the years, that we were able to start seeing the beauty, the storyline, the underlying plot of redemption.
And it wasn't until we were able to see the storyline of redemption that we were able to start growing.
The bar was being raised, and we had to find a way to rise with it.
Many of us are still so stuck on theological concepts that were given to us at a young age, that we've completely thrown out the possibility of a God who loves us in spite of how bad we are or how bad the things are that we've done or are doing.
The world tells us that we are living in sin, or going against God's will, or need to repent, or need to get saved, or whatever.
And so, we get turned off, burnt out, and wiped out by this overwhelming since of failure and hopelessness because we just can't seem to beat the game.
We adopt this mindset that since we are living in sin, we can never experience that God.
And so, we throw away all the unlimited possibilities of experiencing God on levels that make sense to us because of someone else's concepts.
Since we don't want to deal with it or even consider whether these concepts are right or wrong, we walk away completely.
And as a result, we consign ourselves to everlasting spiritual elementary school.
We drop out, forever stuck with somebody else's concepts driving our lives, and our beliefs, and our concepts of God.
If we do form any beliefs or ideas about the divine, they are all driven from a source of antagonism, a source of prejudice against all those things that those people said.
I'm convinced that part of following God is unlearning all the concepts that were ever given to us, even if they were given to us by trusted people. If we are to move on to the next grade, say middle school or junior high, we eventually have to start examining all the beliefs that we've acquired over the years and ask ourselves, "Is this my faith or someone else's?"
The concepts that my girlfriend and I were being driven by were not our own. They were our parents', our teachers', and our spiritual leaders'. We had never felt the need to decide what we believed for ourselves. And so, we had a choice to make. One would end in walking away completely, and the other would lead to spiritual growth.
We chose to stick with it, and because of it, the spiritual bars are constantly being raised. What once was common sense is now uncommon sense.
Point to consider today: If we take an honest look at our belief systems today, are they based out of a source of antagonism against somebody else's beliefs? Are they our own? Are we doing the hard work of developing our own faith? Or, are we content with never seeing past the few ugly trees that blind us from the beauty of the forest?
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