Taking Life by the Moment

I'm a thought away from losing it.

A second away from making a really bad decision.

An inch away from disaster.

This is what it feels like right now.

And, at the same time, I feel covered and protected.

By no effort of my own, I feel safe and secure, neutral, and balanced while my mind tries to figure out ways to kill me.

Yesterday, I found out where my car was - north Houston in a salvage lot.

I'm missing two things - the title to my car and the flash drive that contains all the work I've done for the past five years.

I searched high and low - through boxes - through the wrecked car - through the trash bags that contained all the stuff from the car - and, nothing.

Not a trace.

I went through everything and found nothing.

And yesterday at work, I had a sales call from a lady who's not taking no for an answer. Getting frustrated with her annoying persistence, I lied to her. I put words into existence that never actually existed. I think she got the message, but I didn't get the message until I sat down last night to examine my day.

It's amazing, looking back through the day, seeing what pisses me off and what doesn't.

The saleslady pissed me off, but the rushed drive through traffic to meet a closing deadline in order to get the piece of paper that would ensure my purchase of a new vehicle didn't piss me off?

When it comes down to it, there are no generalizations about how to maintain an emotional balance. I can't just sit down in the morning and pray, and think that's gonna cover me the whole day. It just doesn't work like that.

Life happens in seconds and inches and thoughts and moments.

And so, with all these strings of seconds and inches and thoughts and moments, I have to have a faith that works 24/7 (or 18/7, depending on how much I sleep).

What happened yesterday is, I wasn't ready to talk to the saleslady on the phone.

But, I was ready to rush through traffic down 610 to get to the salvage yard before they closed.

I need to make amends with that lady, but I have no way of contacting her. I threw away her business card. So, I need to practice showing love and tolerance to people who won't take no for an answer, instead of letting them become renters in my head.

And another point.

The more emotional stressors I have in my life, the more counterbalance I need in the way of spiritual maintenance. And right now, I can't afford to think that I can go a whole day, much less an hour or a minute, without asking God for help.

When I'm not praying and surrendering, I'm like an ox with a yoke strapped over my shoulder blade. I'm carrying this huge tiller behind me, but I'm barely moving. A yoke requires two oxen. If it's just me, I'm going in circles, as the other side of the yoke drags on the ground beside me with nothing to pull it.

And that's how it is with God. My natural state is to tackle the wrenches life throws at me on my own. I can handle all the hard work, and I can think that I'm letting God do the heavy lifting. But really, I'm paying lip service to some spiritual cliche I heard somewhere but don't realize it until I'm back to square one, wondering how I spent so much time and effort only getting . . . here.

So, today, I'm gonna try to be kind and loving towards anyone who doesn't take no for an answer. And, I'm gonna practice a spiritual way of life that takes life in seconds and inches and moments and thoughts.

Today's Action: Be kind to people who don't take no for an answer. Pray by the moment, not the day.