Giving

"And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life." Matthew 5:41

"To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got." Alcoholics Anonymous, page 66

I have two friends, Lucas and Lacy, that I'd like to brag about. When I was trying to get on my feet sobriety-wise and financially, they offered to take me into their home. I took them up on their offer, and because of it, I was able to go to school without having to take out any student loans and add to the neck deep pile of debt I'd incurred over the years. But the most influential thing about it was the way in which they took me in. They held absolutely no expectations over my head. They didn't have a chore list for me. They weren't constantly looking over my shoulders to make sure I was keeping the room clean. They didn't ask me to be home at a certain time or wake up at a certain time. They wanted me to feel as free as possible. 

They shared everything they owned with me without asking anything in return. And, they were always willing to talk whenever I needed to get something off my chest. These folks are the real deal. They're authentic, they love with no strings attached, and they seek ways to help people out who are at the end of their rope. They have this drive inside of them to love on people simply because they see it as an opportunity to experience God. It's thankless work and they couldn't be more happy to do it.

And then there's Ben. Over the years, I've watched Ben give money away to people whom he knew were only going to take advantage of his gift. I've watched him give a car away to a couple who I'd seen take advantage of him many times. When I've been in financial straights, he's helped me out even though he usually has jobs that pay close to minimum wage. 

If it wasn't for these people in my life, I'd have a pretty screwed up view of what it looks like to give. They are the minority in a world that screams for self-preservation and giving only if there's return on the investment. 

Because of Lucas and Lacy, I've extended my own home to people without asking anything in return. Because of Ben's thankless generosity, I've extended my own financial resources to people who are surely going to take advantage of the opportunity. 

For my three friends, giving isn't about what they're getting back. It's about having another opportunity to practice the servant life - even if it means getting taken advantage of. It's about knowing deep inside that they're connecting with something bigger than themselves, and the results won't be found in material ways but in ways that fill their hearts with joy and peace. 

My wife Shelby and I started earmarking a benevolence fund in our budget. Since we hadn't been married that long, we thought it'd be a great idea to use our financial resources to help people other than our immediate family. It's been an awesome way to find opportunities to serve together, and in the process we've had our own kinds of spiritual experiences. And so, we get to share stories with each other about how we got to buy someone lunch or help a homeless man out or buy some equipment for the animal shelter. There's something about intentional giving that clears up the lens we look at life through. It causes us to look for ways to contribute to the world around us instead of constantly wondering when the world's gonna hurt us again. 

When giving money, or time, or stuff becomes more about how I'm gonna experience God in that moment, the thought of being taken advantage of doesn't even cross my mind. It's when I have expectations written all over it that I'll be paying attention to how my gifts are being used. In fact, when any expectations of reciprocity are attached to giving, it's no longer giving but it's a loan with interest.  The reason I say it's a loan is, I'm the one who ends up resentful and discontented. I'm the one who ends up being the collection agency. I'll start using my "thankless giving" as a way to squeeze what I want out of the relationship. And it sucks the life out of giving. 

The truth is, I need to be taken advantage of. I need to see how tightly I'm grasping onto my money, time, and stuff. I need to constantly have my motives checked to see if I'm in it to serve God or if I'm in it to stroke my ego or get a return on my investment. When my giving is thankless, I find that I'm the one who's receiving the most because I'm letting go of something that otherwise I'd be clenching with tight fists. And when I give something away, something's gotta take its place. And that something is the presence of a God who's always providing, always giving, and always loving in ways that I can't.