Journey

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." Matthew 7:7. American Standard Version

"More and more, we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of God's presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow, or the hereafter. We were reborn." page 63. Alcoholics Anonymous.

Every morning, sitting on my porch, I pray the following prayer before I start meditating on the passages for the day:

"God, will you open my mind to meditate on what I need to meditate on? Will you open my heart to receive what I need to receive? And will you open my hands to give away what I receive?"

I've been praying this for awhile because it seems to put me in the right mood and opens my mind just enough to pay attention but not so much that I go down any rabbit holes. What this prayer does is help me focus. It helps me to read contemplatively, it quiets my brain, and reminds me that whatever I "find" isn't mine to keep all to myself. 

And today, I wanna talk about the fringes, because that's where my meditation's leading me. 

I have this friend who at one time really started scaring me with his whacky belief systems. For the longest time, we agreed on pretty much everything when it came to God, Christianity, and Jesus. We were two peas in a pod. We were passionate about the same things. We shared the same zeal for God and people. We wanted nothing more than to create sacred spaces where people could meet together and develop loving community. 

But my friend starting doubting things that were - in my mind - non-negotiable. He started questioning the Church. He started criticizing religion and Christianity and Christians and the way religion works and the Bible and everything under the sun that had to do with religion. 

As time went by, my friend's new found path went a different direction than the path I was heading down. As I watched my friend "lose his faith," I became very concerned about his well-being. It got to the point that I was nervous about hanging out with him because I couldn't seem to connect anymore. I didn't know how to dialogue because we no longer shared the same belief systems. 

Over the years, I've heard many terms for what my friend was experiencing: losing faith, losing religion, leaving the faith, losing salvation, blasphemy, leaving God, etc. 

But I'd like to argue that what my friend was and is doing is exactly what Jesus was telling the audience to do in the verse above. 

Ask, seek, and find.

My friend had had enough. He decided that he could no longer buy in to the product he was being sold for so many years. And so, he made a conscious decision to go on a quest for truth. 

In the Greek language, the words ask and seek have similar meanings: to crave something. I love this definition, because as an alcoholic I understand what it means to crave. When I put alcohol into my body, my body craves more. It has to have it. It yearns for more. 

In reality, what was causing so much concern in me was my friend's craving for truth. What this craving was doing was sending him to the fringes of what had become the only way possible. 

Several other friends of ours became concerned as well because we couldn't imagine how someone could be so passionate and so zealous for the things we were passionate about, and then suddenly change so drastically. 

Ask. Seek. Find.

I would've never thought that years down the road I'd be on the same spiritual quest that my friend was on. I would've never thought that I'd be the one gravitating towards the fringes of the only way possible. Yet, that's where I find myself today. I have an insatiable craving to seek the truth. 

And I believe Jesus was addressing all truth seekers in this famous passage.  

For those of us who have given up on the idea of asking God for cars, money, healing powers, droughts to end and rains to fall, this passage is about seeking and receiving the knowledge of what's really real. But there's a problem with this. It creates concern for the people around us. It invites interrogation. It welcomes criticism. 

As a truth craver, this yearning inside me has expanded my spiritual borders further than I ever thought was possible. It's caused me to think, re-think, re-form, and evolve in my way of both understanding the world and the ancient texts we call scriptures. The only way possible has become Lets find out how many ways are possible. It's exposed me to concepts I didn't even know existed. 

And the thing is, my craving to know God is deeper than it's ever been before. It's set me on a path that I don't ever wanna get off of. It's set my eyes on a horizon that I'll never reach but a journey that's full of wonder. 

This quest requires removing the solid concrete box that I've put God in via the Bible and religion, and making sure that the walls don't go up again. At the same time, it requires nurturing the Bible and religion, and letting them function the way they're supposed to - using them as a support system and not the foundation itself.