The Janitor (Easter - Day 37)

(Based on James 1:1-15)

This weekend, I was at a friend's wedding, and I had a great time. I was double fisting Cokes, having great conversations, and enjoying the company of my coworkers. The couple getting married both worked with me at the restaurant, and one third of the guests were all current or former employees. It was really cool getting to see the relationships that had developed in the workplace overflow into a wedding party. 

At some point after drinking about eight Cokes, I needed to go to the bathroom. So, I made my way into the restroom and some old memories came rushing to me. I felt this overwhelming sense that I had been standing in this same bathroom before. Memories started rushing around my head, taking me back to this exact place I was standing. The building I was standing in was actually the same building I had stood in about six years ago for a wedding that I was a groomsman in. 

The groomsmen had all gathered in this building to prepare for the wedding. Ignoring the requests of the wedding pastor, I decided to take a "few" shots of liquor. As is the case for me and liquor, there are never just a few shots taken. It was in this building that I got so belligerent that I would forget I was even in a wedding and would make a fool of myself in front of the whole congregation watching the bride and groom. 

As I stood in this bathroom, I had mixed emotions. A part of me thanked God that I was a new man no longer obsessed about taking a drink, but another part of me felt depressed as I relived the horror of that day and thought about how different I was from "normal drinkers" right outside this bathroom. I stayed about fifteen more minutes at the wedding reception and decided to take off just to be on the safe side. With mixed emotions like that, I just don't take the chance anymore when I'm surrounded by mixed drinks and dancing. So, I got out of there and went for some IHOP with my roommate. 

In today's passage out of James, we're told that God doesn't trip us up with sneaky tests and trials. God isn't affected by evil, so why would God use it to test us? I could make a list right now of all the times I've experienced temptations and trials in my life, and went through them blaming God for them. James says that there's no one to blame for our falls into temptation except ourselves. When challenges come, we have two options: meet them head-on or prematurely back out. Every time I hear someone say how God is "testing" them or putting an obstacle in their path, I want to ask "And what are you doing?" 

So many times I would wake up in the morning, hungover with cotton mouth, with my drunken pleas for God to take this problem from me. I was like a "wind-whipped" wave, adrift at sea, unbelieving, keeping my options open. I didn't really want my drinking problem taken away. I wanted this unbelievable hangover taken away so I could drink without interruption. But there was another thought going on inside my head as I prayed these prayers. "God, since you gave me this, take it away!!"

It wasn't until years later that I finally surrendered to the idea that my problems were of my own making. There were no evil, scandalous plots from a God I couldn't see. I was the one making the decisions that were killing me and making my life a living hell. In a way, this was a relief. It meant since I created my own disasters, I could recreate my life as well. But, I couldn't do it on my own by any means. I hate to sound senseless, but most of the time I think God is more like a loving janitor. I crap on the bathroom floor, spill drinks everywhere, and leave trails of ruin. God comes behind me with two mops, hands me one, and shows me how to clean up all my messes. God takes on many forms in my life and the loving janitor is just one of many. 

The problem with the whole "God is testing me" theory is, it keeps us from owning up our own mistakes and decisions. I'll go ahead and add the other age-old mantra "the devil made me do it." Are we really just brainless pawns caught between the forces of good and evil, the rope in this game of tug-of-war? Maybe we are, but I don't like the idea because it gives me an inch to keep my problems off of myself. When I get an inch like that, there's no telling how far I'll run. Actually, I know how far I'll run. I'll drink until I die, look at porn until my relationships are run to the ground, fire myself from my job, run away to an island, isolate, and live a miserable life of hell. That's what I do when I blame my problems on someone or something else. 

Thank God for challenges and for the opportunities we have to persevere! In all trials and tests, we can be assured that we had a part to play in getting from there to here, but at the same time have a power we can count on. We have a God who loves to help, and who loves to give us a mop and show us how to do the hard work of staying the course and cleaning up our messes. When we exit out of the challenges that come at us from all sides without seeing the nugget of truth that's to come out of it, we are actually just postponing the challenge. It's going to keep coming back until we face it and learn from it, and clean up. James says that when these challenges come, our faith lives show their true colors. The people around us see how we get through, and it gives them courage to do the same in their own lives. 

Today's Action: Think of one challenge we are facing today. It could be outward or inward. Ask ourselves, "Am I owning up to this, or am I blaming someone or something else? Am I trying to get out of this challenge prematurely, or am I staying the course to see what good will come out of it?" Thank God for the challenge.