Enemies

"Make friends quickly with your enemies so they won't hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you be thrown into prison."

In recovery, we have this thing we do called a moral inventory. Just like a business inventory, it's taking stock of everything in the store to see what's saleable and what's damaged. The point of the inventory is to first see what's been sitting on the shelf too long, and secondly to get rid of unsaleable or damaged goods. 

I just looked up the word "enemy," and discovered that - after many years of wrong thinking - it's anyone for whom I have hatred or resentment toward. An enemy is anyone who's an object of my resentment.

Now, I have to confess. 

Much of my inventories over the years have had a lot to with the Christian religion: pastors, biblical literalists, and pretty much any Christians who claims they hold the truth to every issue under the sun because "the Bible says so."

You could say I've had and I have a lot of enemies. 

As much as I'd like to think I'm exempt from Jesus's message about making friends with one's enemies, I'm not. In fact, my relationships with the religious crowd isn't very unique from the relationships Jesus's audience had with the religious crowd. 

I believe Jesus's message was pointed toward the common, average, Jew who was carrying hatred and resentment toward the Jewish priests and Roman authorities. 

Why hate the Jewish priest? Because they were so intertwined with Roman government that if you slipped up with religious law, or opposed religious law, they would find a way to get you penalized through Roman law. At times, Jewish leaders were more feared than Roman leaders, just because you had two sets of laws that you were to follow. The Roman government pretty much stayed out (with the exception of a few Jewish-hating Caesars) of Jewish politics, unless there were groups of more liberal Jews like Jesus or John the Baptist who were defying both Jewish and Roman politics. 

So, as a common, practicing Jew, you were constantly "policed" by Jewish authority. Also, at this time, the Jewish temple authorities were all wrapped up in corruption. It was all about the money. It's easy to see how a common, average Jew could develop resentment and hatred toward the authorities. And hatred and resentment lead to retaliatory actions if not taken care of. And when a common Jew retaliates toward a Jewish authority, the courts get involved and you most likely get thrown in jail and lose everything for your resistance. 

"Make friends quickly with the people you hate, because otherwise you're gonna end up doing something that'll get you thown into jail by the Jewish leaders." 

Obviously there are some differences between then and now. If or when I defy religious authority, I don't have to worry about the Christian police coming to take me away. I don't have to worry about any police coming to take me away. I can't say that's true in countries which have more of a theocracy, but that's how it is here (at least for now). There are countries in the Middle East that will stone you for breaking religious law, and they come a lot closer to how it was in Jesus's culture. 

But, how does this message apply to American Christians like me, who have enemies but no direct authorities who are looking to throw me into jail for believing or doing things against religious law? 

While the results look differently, the issue of the heart remains the same. It boils down to either having hatred or not having hatred. And I, within a few minutes of reading through Facebook posts, can develop a seething hatred. And so I'm writing this post not only to help those of you who are carrying resentment toward religious people, but to myself who carries unresolved resentment toward certain religious people. 

In some ways, it's harder to resolve when there is no threat from authorities. Since there's no chance anytime soon that I'll be going to jail for sharing my opposing opinions on this blog or wherever, it's easy to let the hatred roll like a river. 

There was this pastor once who was adamantly against homosexuality, and he still is. I hated it. I didn't necessarily hate the man, but I hated what he stands for. And so, I wrote several blogs in a row condemning the man and his church for supporting such issues. I even gathered a few friends and showed up one morning to the church and did a demonstration, only to be asked to leave within the first half hour. While I didn't get into trouble and didn't face any external consequences for my actions, I faced an internal conflict. I was filled with hate and resentment. And, the only way to get rid of it was to confront this pastor and admit the wrongs I'd done. And so, I did that. I told him how I'd written blogs trying to make people hate him just like I did, and asked him if there was anything I could do to make it right. The answer he gave me was simply, Tell the truth. 

And the truth is, I don't have to use my passions and talents to hurt anybody. But, I always have the choice to make. And lately, I've been getting off the path. I've been hearing that prideful, arrogant voice inside me say, "You can start writing things now that may offend people. It's okay, you've earned the right."

And so, I'd like to apologize right now for writing things that are packed full of resentment and hatred in the past few weeks. They're not helpful to me, and not helpful to anyone. Is there anything I can do to make this right if you've been hurt by my words in any way? Let me know and do my best to reconcile that. 

I think Jesus's message went deeper than getting thrown into jail for opposing authority because it was possible to get thrown into jail and at the same time not harbor hatred towards the enemy. There were many instances where the apostle Paul was thrown into jail, but he made friends and had dialogue with his opponents. He used the opportunity to continue implementing the same program he implemented outside of prison. 

Another way to translate what Jesus said is: "You don't have to agree, but stay away from hatred. It's never good no matter who it's directed toward."

So, how do I make friends with my enemies? First, I have to see how torn up inside I really am. I have to see the root causes of my frustrations with my enemies. And, I have to see that they're not the cause of my problems or frustrations. There's something inside of me that's off-kilter. And nine times out of ten, it's fear that's welled up inside of me and ready to explode. Fear drives resentment. It doesn't matter what kind of fear it is, because there are millions of different kinds of fear. All that matters is that I recognize that it is fear. Catch it before retaliating. 

After realizing how much fear is driving my resentment, I can ask God to remove it.

Then, I can attempt to dialogue with my enemy. That's why it's so good to sit down and have coffee with the people I hate, or the representatives of the institutions or principles I hate. Profound things happen when two opponents sit down and have a conversation. Light bulbs go off and friendships are even made.

Face to face dialogue is something that's becoming old school. It's losing popularity due to the overwhelming influence of social media and the fast-paced lifestyle. And so it's really easy to rant and rave about what and who I hate on Facebook and the blog, while never attempting to actually have a conversation with my enemies. It's really hard to hate someone who's sitting across the table having a conversation with me. Or, it's really hard to keep hating the person once the conversation is finished. 

As a practice, it'd be good to list the people I need to sit down and have a conversation with, as well as the questions I could ask them to help understand why they believe what they believe.

Conversation #1: Someone who doesn't support gay marriage.
Question #1: Why don't you support gay marriage?
Question #2: Do you have and friends who are gay?
Question #3: What was your family life like growing up?
Question #4: What was marriage like for your parents?
Question #5: What is marriage like for you now?

Conversation #2: Someone who is against abortion.
Question #1: Have you ever known anyone who's had an abortion?
Question #2: Have you ever been a willing participant in an abortion?
Question #3: Why are you against abortion?
Question #4: Do you have any children?
Question #5: If you put yourself in the shoes of a girl who's been raped and gets pregnant, what kind of feelings do you think you'd have towards the baby inside of you?

These are the kinds of conversations that have the potential of turning hate into love, misunderstanding into understanding, and resentment into compassion. And I think this kind of thing is what Jesus was driving at with his audience - understanding the enemy instead of hating the enemy. Because once an understanding is established, it's hard to hate and it's much easier to accept who people are and why they do what they do. 

I'll be the first to admit that when I've got some anger inside of me that needs to get out, I'm not seeking open dialogue but one-sided rants on Facebook or blogger. I'm not putting in the time and effort to ask the hard questions and create the necessary dialogue. So, that's something that I want to try to do a better job of this year. Resentment and hatred towards people or institutions or principles will only work for so long before it ends up killing me. Because, when resentment gets deep and hard enough, the best solution that I'll be able to come up with is taking a drink. And for this alcoholic, to drink is to die. 

"Set up a conversation with your enemies before you become imprisoned by your own resentment and hatred."