1 Samuel 7:2-16
Samuel's Instructions to Israel for Rescue from Oppression
- Clean house - Take an inventory of all resentments and fears
Name of the Person, Institution, or Principle Resented
Why am I angry? Joe gossiped about me at work.
How did this affect my self-esteem? I felt less than; people thought badly of me and I lost confidence in myself
How did this affect my personal relationships with Joe/people at work? I started acting differently around my coworkers; I couldn't speak to Joe because I was so pissed
How did this affect my ambitions? I used to look forward to having coffee with Joe, but now I can't stand to be around him
How did this affect my security? I lost my ability to trust Joe; I lost my positive self-image; I lost dependence on Joe
How did this affect my wallet? I used to love treating Joe to coffee, but now I'm not giving him a penny.
How did this affect my pride? I am too important to be gossiped about; Joe's biting off the hand that feeds him; does Joe understand how significant I am in his life?
Where am I at fault or blame? I feel less than; I'm afraid of people thinking badly of me: I have a lack of confidence in myself; I'm trying to be a people pleaser; I'm afraid of confrontation; I'm letting someone else's words dominate my current actions; my trust in people is shallow; my self-image is shallow; I was dependent on Joe; I'm self-righteous; I want to be the hero
Fears List
Fear of Insignificance
What is the Opposite? Significance
Why am I fearful of insignificance? Because I'm letting other people define my significance, and not God
Ask God to remove it
Fear of Rejection
What is the Opposite? Acceptance
Why am I fearful of rejection? Because I want other people to accept me without dwelling on the thought that God accepts me just fine.
Ask God to remove it
Fear of Trusting Myself
What is the Opposite? Being skeptical of myself
Why am I fearful of trusting myself? Because I don't want to do the wrong thing.
Ask God to remove it
- Get rid of foreign gods - Make amends with those I've harmed, copying down verbatim from the list Example: Joe, I was wrong for canceling our plans to have coffee. Is there anything I can do to make it right?
- Get rid of fertility goddesses - Start creating practical ways to walk through fear and not avoid it. Example: With the fear of not trusting myself, I could choose to do one thing every day that I want to do, and don't feel obligated to do.
- Ground firmly in God - Trust God in the process. Example: Pray, spend intentional time alone, meditate, practice breathing exercises, play music, pray before conversations, pray for others, pray "Thy will be done," etc.
- Worship God alone - Repeat process over and over. There is no graduation!!
I woke up this morning and felt freedom.
ReplyDeleteHow did the situation affect my self esteem? In no way did it affect my self esteem. Each day I get a little more confident that I am on the right track. I don't need or want people around me that are going to drag me into that hole.
People are going to think bad of me. That is good because they will stay away from me. This means that I have a lot better chance of doing what I want - things alive. I will be on the bay, camp under stars, put my toes over cliffs, surf waves, garden and feel good. I will be with my family more.
Why am I angry? I have a litany of small issues. Really, they are just practical excuses that sound mad. I am mad about missing out. If I get over being "angry", and make "amends", where will it go? - missing out more. It's a hole I want to get out of.
How did this affect my ambitions? My ambitions are to be in beautiful places.
Where am I at fault? I am not at fault. There is no blame really. Wow. Set me free!
People please? Yesterday, I was told I should "go have a beer" with so and so. Yep. Well. I don't much feel like people pleasing right now.
In this situation, my trust in people is practical. It's been time and time again. It isn't a general notion of distrust. It is this: it will lead to faceplants in the driveway. It will lead to laughing about the night before and doing it again. It will lead to a drowned marriage. It will go to ugly places. It will lead to late nights being "buddies". It will lead to conversations that talk about stuff that will not happen - ever.
Do I fear trusting myself in this judgment? Yes! Why!? Because everybody would tell me I'm wrong from a friendship standpoint, a peace loving standpoint etc. I'm questioning myself, my motives, my delusions, my ways, my "anger"... and it keeps popping out the same way - I'm done. I'm ready to change.
I don't have a wrong to write down. I'm sorry if it seems a little abrupt on my part, but for now they have to understand, and I don't have to explain, that I'm done. I said yesterday, "If he wants to be on the bay, I'll be there." Now I will add, if the other wants to surf I'll be there. If the other wants to go to a dirt track race, I'll be there. If the other wants to clear coat the painting, I'll be there. BUT, right now, that is too close to the hole.
I will happily seek out God in this. I am thinking Benedictine. I want to learn the guitar.
I think you are trying to do the mind meld on me! I wrote that really fast and won't edit it.