2 Samuel 16:1-23
I
had a friend once who I was talking politics with. This person was
adamant about his version of the truth, and I tried explaining to him
that I am free, not because of what the government does for me, but
because I follow Jesus. As the conversation went along, I questioned his
assumption that the government was taking away all his rights.
In my opinion, my rights are not defined by the U.S. Constitution or the Declaration of Independence. They are defined by how well I apply the teachings of Jesus in my life. That's my belief system.
My friend started getting angry because I wouldn't tell him that my rights were being affected. I feel absolutely no threat from the government. I tried explaining that I believe that I am not reliant on the government or the Bill of Rights, but that God provides everything I need.
I could tell as I sat there that he was about to explode. His face turned beet red, and he let me have it. He shouted, "You know, why don't you just take your Jesus shit and shove it up your ass!" I had two options when he said this. I could come up with something that would fuel his rage even more, or I could stay confident in my belief that God was enough. So, I smiled. I sat there and smiled as he stormed out of the room. This was a success for me, because a few weeks earlier this happened, and the results were not as neat.
My friend and I got in an argument about something ridiculous. We talked over each other, and both our faces were beet red. We both stormed out of the room, and it turned personal. I got in his face, and he told me that if I came any closer he would beat the shit out of me. I said, "I'm not afraid of your ass. Hit me." I was just as pissed as he was. The angrier he got, the angrier I got. We fueled each other. I wanted to cut his throat, and he wanted to make hamburger meat out of my face.
Our confrontation was broken up by another friend, and we each paced around and let the steam off. I was by no means "over it." I hated him and I wanted to kill him.
After we cooled off a little bit, he came up to me and gave me a hug. He asked, "Are we good?"
I said, "Sure."
I wasn't good though. I had work to do. I did not want this to repeat itself the next time. I didn't want to be in a position where I wanted to kill him or fight him again. I didn't want to be so offended the next time. So, I let my anger build over the next few days until I couldn't handle it anymore. When I finally got to the point where I was ready to find out what my part was, I put the pen to the paper. What it came down to was this: what sparked everything was my initial desire to be in control. My plans felt threatened, which caused the argument. The argument led to the rage. The rage led me to get in his face.
After I found my part, I called him up and explained what I had done wrong. I told him that I was trying to control him, and I was wrong for doing so. Then, I asked if there was anything I could do to make it right. He told me to quit being defiant. It was very hard to hear the person who wanted to beat my head in tell me to quit being defiant. Everything in me wanted to resist and tell him he was wrong. But, he was right.
My amends to this person wasn't saying "I'm sorry," then walking away acting as if nothing ever happened. My amends was to practice allowing other people to believe what they want to believe.
The practice of forgiveness is not about words. It's not about asking someone to forgive me, or telling someone I forgive them. It's about taking a flawed part of me that affects other people, and letting God work on that area - practicing a new principle that leads to more freedom. In this case, the practice involved not trying to control someone I disagreed with. It was to listen, and sift through what I was listening to find anything useful.
This is how I was able to sit in that room, and smile while he said, "Take your Jesus stuff and shove it up your ass." I knew that if I try to inject my manipulative statements, I would really just be trying to control his beliefs, and that is futile. So, I smiled. When I walked away from that incident, I chose to consider the person as an acquaintance and not a friend. I wasn't angry, and I didn't feel the need to retaliate. My amends were in full swing.
When
we find ourselves still fuming after days or weeks of saying "I'm
sorry," it means there's more work to be done than what's already been
done. If we want freedom, and don't want to repeat the same problem over
and over, it means we have to find out what inside us is being set off
by someone else's remarks or actions. That is the key to forgiveness.
When we start acting on new principles that prevent us from being
offended the next time the same mean thing is said, we are living out
forgiveness.
Very rarely do words of apology go far. They may make me feel good in the moment, but the actual hurt is still there. The only way to find freedom from it is to point the finger at myself, and what I did wrong. Nine times out of ten, it has to do with fear. I'm afraid of my plans being threatened, or my security, or my finances, or my personal relationships. If I can figure this out, then I can find the key to sitting across from someone who's threatening and cursing, without having to jump in and do the same thing. I can sit with a smile, free from having to let someone else's words or actions dominate my words or actions.
In my opinion, my rights are not defined by the U.S. Constitution or the Declaration of Independence. They are defined by how well I apply the teachings of Jesus in my life. That's my belief system.
My friend started getting angry because I wouldn't tell him that my rights were being affected. I feel absolutely no threat from the government. I tried explaining that I believe that I am not reliant on the government or the Bill of Rights, but that God provides everything I need.
I could tell as I sat there that he was about to explode. His face turned beet red, and he let me have it. He shouted, "You know, why don't you just take your Jesus shit and shove it up your ass!" I had two options when he said this. I could come up with something that would fuel his rage even more, or I could stay confident in my belief that God was enough. So, I smiled. I sat there and smiled as he stormed out of the room. This was a success for me, because a few weeks earlier this happened, and the results were not as neat.
My friend and I got in an argument about something ridiculous. We talked over each other, and both our faces were beet red. We both stormed out of the room, and it turned personal. I got in his face, and he told me that if I came any closer he would beat the shit out of me. I said, "I'm not afraid of your ass. Hit me." I was just as pissed as he was. The angrier he got, the angrier I got. We fueled each other. I wanted to cut his throat, and he wanted to make hamburger meat out of my face.
Our confrontation was broken up by another friend, and we each paced around and let the steam off. I was by no means "over it." I hated him and I wanted to kill him.
After we cooled off a little bit, he came up to me and gave me a hug. He asked, "Are we good?"
I said, "Sure."
I wasn't good though. I had work to do. I did not want this to repeat itself the next time. I didn't want to be in a position where I wanted to kill him or fight him again. I didn't want to be so offended the next time. So, I let my anger build over the next few days until I couldn't handle it anymore. When I finally got to the point where I was ready to find out what my part was, I put the pen to the paper. What it came down to was this: what sparked everything was my initial desire to be in control. My plans felt threatened, which caused the argument. The argument led to the rage. The rage led me to get in his face.
After I found my part, I called him up and explained what I had done wrong. I told him that I was trying to control him, and I was wrong for doing so. Then, I asked if there was anything I could do to make it right. He told me to quit being defiant. It was very hard to hear the person who wanted to beat my head in tell me to quit being defiant. Everything in me wanted to resist and tell him he was wrong. But, he was right.
My amends to this person wasn't saying "I'm sorry," then walking away acting as if nothing ever happened. My amends was to practice allowing other people to believe what they want to believe.
The practice of forgiveness is not about words. It's not about asking someone to forgive me, or telling someone I forgive them. It's about taking a flawed part of me that affects other people, and letting God work on that area - practicing a new principle that leads to more freedom. In this case, the practice involved not trying to control someone I disagreed with. It was to listen, and sift through what I was listening to find anything useful.
This is how I was able to sit in that room, and smile while he said, "Take your Jesus stuff and shove it up your ass." I knew that if I try to inject my manipulative statements, I would really just be trying to control his beliefs, and that is futile. So, I smiled. When I walked away from that incident, I chose to consider the person as an acquaintance and not a friend. I wasn't angry, and I didn't feel the need to retaliate. My amends were in full swing.
Very rarely do words of apology go far. They may make me feel good in the moment, but the actual hurt is still there. The only way to find freedom from it is to point the finger at myself, and what I did wrong. Nine times out of ten, it has to do with fear. I'm afraid of my plans being threatened, or my security, or my finances, or my personal relationships. If I can figure this out, then I can find the key to sitting across from someone who's threatening and cursing, without having to jump in and do the same thing. I can sit with a smile, free from having to let someone else's words or actions dominate my words or actions.
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