Going back to the people I've wronged is extremely nerve-racking. I know that we've been talking about going up to people that we've judged. In my translation, it's people that I've harmed in any way. If I don't do it, I don't stay sober. The process of finding out where they are geographically, and in life, is shooting holes right through my pride. Setting out to make wrongs right is like being told an electric fence is turned off, and hesitantly walking up to pat it with the back of my hand just to make sure. I'm told it's not hot, but I still worried I'm gonna get shocked.
The first on my list was with an ex-girlfriend. Even though we're seeemingly on good terms, I still felt so fearful and worried about how it would turn out. I carry index cards with the following information: a plus or minus sign in the top right corner representing how willing I am to make the amends. At the top it says, "I cannot stay sober if I don't straighten things out with you." Under that is the name of the person. Under that is written exactly how I've harmed the person. Following those are the questions, "Is there anything else I've done to cause you harm?" and "Is there anything I can do to make this right?" I admitted my wrongs and the person said they didn't know how to respond. I was okay with that. My side of the street was finally clean. But then they asked, "Will you tell me how I've hurt you?" That is a trap question. I did not answer that one because this is about admitting my wrongs, not theirs. I diplomatically explained that I could not do that. We left on good terms, and I feel that the blockage that was between us has disappeared. Thanks God.
My second amends happened with my boss, someone I have gossiped and complained about for quite some time. I've given my co-workers reason to not like this person, to think this person is evil. I've disrespected this person's authority by not doing what they've asked me to do. When I saw the person, I asked them to join me in the office, and I explained to them how I cannot stay sober if I don't straighten things out with you. I told them specifically how I've gossiped and complained, and asked if there was anything I could do to make it right. The person said, "Nope. You're good." We hugged and left the office. I've had no trouble respecting this person since. Thanks God.
The third amends happened tonight with a group I recently started meeting with on Sunday nights after church. Two weeks ago, we ran into a situation where I believed much differently than they did. I felt like I was being cornered. I felt attacked. In response, I attacked and spoke over them. I didn't listen to what they had to say, but got angry and judgmental and disrupted the harmony of the group. The meeting ended prematurely because of it. I felt like a victim, like I was being persecuted. This sort of thing happens more often than not. Needless to say, I don't believe God wants me to be angry and He wants me to let other people be entitled to believe what they want. I went back tonight, and we had a cookout. Towards the end, we were all sitting around talking about the sad state of the church, and I told everyone I had something to get off my chest. I said, "I was wrong two weeks ago. I got angry and defensive and disrupted the harmony of the group." I went on to explain how I've struggled for a long time letting other people be entitled to believe what they want, not what I would have them believe. After all, I'm not God or the Spirit. They received my amends well. I came into this group with the intention of diving into the Scriptures with a very knowledgeable teacher. I know now that I'm in this to practice the art of restraining the tongue when I feel opposed. Thanks God.
Ya'll are awesome. How do I read your stories? I'll have more after this week. Wish me luck!
The first on my list was with an ex-girlfriend. Even though we're seeemingly on good terms, I still felt so fearful and worried about how it would turn out. I carry index cards with the following information: a plus or minus sign in the top right corner representing how willing I am to make the amends. At the top it says, "I cannot stay sober if I don't straighten things out with you." Under that is the name of the person. Under that is written exactly how I've harmed the person. Following those are the questions, "Is there anything else I've done to cause you harm?" and "Is there anything I can do to make this right?" I admitted my wrongs and the person said they didn't know how to respond. I was okay with that. My side of the street was finally clean. But then they asked, "Will you tell me how I've hurt you?" That is a trap question. I did not answer that one because this is about admitting my wrongs, not theirs. I diplomatically explained that I could not do that. We left on good terms, and I feel that the blockage that was between us has disappeared. Thanks God.
My second amends happened with my boss, someone I have gossiped and complained about for quite some time. I've given my co-workers reason to not like this person, to think this person is evil. I've disrespected this person's authority by not doing what they've asked me to do. When I saw the person, I asked them to join me in the office, and I explained to them how I cannot stay sober if I don't straighten things out with you. I told them specifically how I've gossiped and complained, and asked if there was anything I could do to make it right. The person said, "Nope. You're good." We hugged and left the office. I've had no trouble respecting this person since. Thanks God.
The third amends happened tonight with a group I recently started meeting with on Sunday nights after church. Two weeks ago, we ran into a situation where I believed much differently than they did. I felt like I was being cornered. I felt attacked. In response, I attacked and spoke over them. I didn't listen to what they had to say, but got angry and judgmental and disrupted the harmony of the group. The meeting ended prematurely because of it. I felt like a victim, like I was being persecuted. This sort of thing happens more often than not. Needless to say, I don't believe God wants me to be angry and He wants me to let other people be entitled to believe what they want. I went back tonight, and we had a cookout. Towards the end, we were all sitting around talking about the sad state of the church, and I told everyone I had something to get off my chest. I said, "I was wrong two weeks ago. I got angry and defensive and disrupted the harmony of the group." I went on to explain how I've struggled for a long time letting other people be entitled to believe what they want, not what I would have them believe. After all, I'm not God or the Spirit. They received my amends well. I came into this group with the intention of diving into the Scriptures with a very knowledgeable teacher. I know now that I'm in this to practice the art of restraining the tongue when I feel opposed. Thanks God.
Ya'll are awesome. How do I read your stories? I'll have more after this week. Wish me luck!