The Fight Against Sex Slavery (Ordinary Time - Day 27)

1 Samuel 10:1-16

Giggin' And Other Going On

Yesterday, Jon's dad taught us how to filet the flounder we gigged in Galveston bay.

Last night, Kim, Erin, Jon and I had rice, asparagus and flounder.  Was great.

Earlier in the day, yesterday, Kaley and I went and visited Richard in St. Luke's Heart Hospital.  I took her out to eat at a special hamburger spot downtown.

I have lived to the extreme lately.  I wish I could lay on the couch all day today and watch NASCAR until I drooled.  I'm whooped!

The Vet (Ordinary Time - Day 26)

1 Samuel 9:15-10:1

Imagine you've lost your dog. You've been searching everywhere with your friend to find it. You put signs up, you put an ad in the Greensheet. No luck. Finally, your friend says, "Lets go try to vet. I hear there's a vet in this area who's an expert on finding lost dogs." 

You and your friend start heading in the direction of this vet. When you get there, you tell the vet, "We heard you are an expert at finding lost dogs, and we need help." 

The vet says, "You don't have to worry about your lost dogs any more. We've got them. Right now, the future of Texas is in your hands. Come with me. We've got reservations at P.F. Changs."

The restaurant is empty except for a lit up banquet room with thirty people sitting at a large conference table. The vet reserves the head chair for you. You don't know the people sitting around you, but the vet says, "This restaurant, this time, this meal, and these people have been especially picked out for you."

The vet grabs the attention of the head chef and says, "Remember that choice cut of meat I told you to prepare and reserve? You can bring it out now." The meat comes out, and you can't believe what's going on. It's surreal. It's a fairy tale. The vet says, "Eat up. I've got some important news to tell you, but we'll do that in the morning. I've prepared a place for you and your friend to stay tonight." 

When you finish eating, the vet takes you to her house. She's reserved her own master bedroom for you to sleep in for the night. It's got a hot tub, all the snacks you could imagine, and cable TV. She says, "In the morning I'll send ya'll off, but for right now just relax and enjoy yourself." 

In the morning, the sound of the vet's voice wakes you up, and it's before dawn. The coffee's already made, your friend is standing out by the car. The vet takes you out into the front yard, and places her hand on your forehead. She blesses you, saying, "God has given me a word to give to you. You've been chosen to be the governor of Texas. God has heard the cries of the people of Texas, and he wants to free his people from the oppression of the federal government."

You reply, "But I'm from a poor town. I live in a trailer, and I haven't seen my family in years. I have no credentials to take this position."

The vet says, "Everything you need will be taken care of. You've been equipped to lead the people. Your friend will help you. Just head back home and you will be instructed on what to do. Don't worry. God will show you what to do."

What would life be like if being anointed to lead people was the norm? What would life be like if we saw our communities, states, and nations as groups of people whom God destined us to play a part in restoring?

Every day, we step into worlds that seem disconnected, random, and dark. The author of this story tells us that Saul had no intention of being a leader to the people of Israel. The author doesn't even tell us what kind of awkward conversation must have come up when Samuel told him he would be the prince of Israel. All Saul wanted was to find his damn donkeys. Yet, Samuel anointed him as the prince who would rescue the Israelites from Philistine oppression. 

When we begin seeing the world around as connected and spiritual, perhaps what used to be random and secular will become meaningful and connected. Perhaps the coworkers, the gas station clerk, and the boss will become partners in this grand scheme of bringing restoration to a crying world. Maybe it's just a change of perspective that we haven't experienced yet. Does the world we step into every day really have any chance of meaning anything more than a means to an end? 

Saul had no intention of being a leader or much less a prince. Yet, the people, the places, and the events were all set in place to make it happen. He didn't pray the right prayer, seek the right wisdom, or live the right life. He was simply looking for something that was lost. 

Maybe the only thing we have to do is look for what's been lost. Maybe what is lost is actually the truth that we've been searching for all our lives, trying to make sense of who we are, what we're doing, and where we're headed. All Saul was doing was searching for something. He lived in an insignificant tribe, the smallest tribe in Israel. He had no elite family credentials or background. He was simply a man looking for something lost. 

Are we searching or have we "arrived?" Are we still asking questions or do we have all the answers? When the questions end, when we stop searching, the journey stops. When we "arrive," we don't feel the need to move any further. When we keep our eyes open and the journey going, we start seeing the people around us, the events, the places, as sacred and connected. The people in our lives become prophets and guides, pointing us in the right directions, joining with us in our search for what's been lost. 

Today's Action: Is there anything we've lost over the years that we've given up searching for? If so, do one thing that will continue the journey. Just maybe, opening our minds enough to continue searching will transform our perspectives from one of disconnected secularity into a sacred purpose full of adventure.

Sidewalk Egg

No time to explain... must post this!

Searching for the Donkeys (Ordinary Time - Day 25)

1 Samuel 9:1-14

There's a man from the tribe of Benjamin named Kish. He has a son named Saul. Kish loses some of his donkeys, and tells Saul to take one of the servants and go look for them. They search high and low, but have no luck. Saul tells the servant that they've searched enough, and should go back before Kish starts worrying about them. But the servant tells Saul to hold on because there's a holy man in the town they're near. He says that they can go see this man and he'll tell them where to go to find the donkeys. 

So, they climb the hill entering into town and run into some girls getting water at the well. Saul asks the girls where they can find the holy man. They direct them where to go, and as they are walking to their destination, they run into Samuel.

Samuel, if you recall, has just been uninvited by the leaders of Israel to lead. They ask him to give them a king - a dictator. So Samuel is out head hunting, looking for a leader fit to be a king, and he crosses the path of a guy looking for some donkeys.

Saul is described as handsome, young, and standing head and shoulders above the crowd.

What Saul and the servant don't know about the holy man is, he's already got something in store for Saul. He already knows where the donkeys are, but also has some information for Saul that will change his life forever. Saul's just looking for some lost donkeys. He has no idea who Samuel is, but is seeking directions on where to go. 

Sometimes, we're looking for one thing and we don't even know that something way bigger than we could ever imagine is in the process. The one thing we were looking for turned out to be a great thing beyond our wildest dreams. 

I got sober because I was sick and tired of going to jail, losing my friends, and living in misery. My idea of sobriety had nothing to do with recreating life, finding a God I'd never known before, or creating a whole new group of friends who would change my life. I was searching for how not to drink, and I found a radically new life full of adventure.

Sometimes we search for one thing, and find something greater than we could have imagined. 

We are all on journeys to find something. We take whatever avenues seem best. Some of us go to school, some of us climb the ladders at work, some of us take vows of poverty, and some of get into politics. Whatever it is we are doing, there are people and events in the process that are pointing us in the right directions. Someone or something has already put the right people in the right places to show us where to go. 

In this story, if Saul would have given up the search for the donkeys, he wouldn't have run into Samuel. If the servant wouldn't have spoken up and told Saul to try out this one more thing, they wouldn't have crossed Samuel's path. If Kish hadn't lost his donkeys, Saul wouldn't have met Samuel. 

We look at the places we are in life, or the places we're heading, and trace back through all the events that happened to get us where we are now. We can see that those small, insignificant events and conversations were actual road markers for getting to where we are now. It's almost as if it was too impossible to be drawn out by ourselves. As we trace back the chronology of how we got to where we are today, we find that there were road markers we never planned on paying attention to until they happened.  

We are each destined for greatness. Our job is to not give up searching for the donkeys. We don't have to look to the skies looking for cloudy pictures, or play the lottery, or try to manufacture our own results. The results will be taken care of. Our job is to keep doing what we need to do right now. The right people and right events will happen as we keep taking one step at a time. What we're searching for is but a glimpse of the greatness that is in store. Just don't give up searching for the donkeys. 

Today's Action: Think back a few years. Try to trace the back all the people and events that came into play to get us where we are today. Were there things that happened that we weren't expecting or planning to get us here? Are we still searching diligently, or have we given up on the donkeys?

Once Upon A Night

I'm reading Matthew right now.

Reading boat manual too.  Think a kit is the way to go for a first timer.

Did well at work.

Richard is in the hospital :(  He's been feeling bad.  They are checking him out.  I'll keep you posted.

1.5 days with no beer. That was a random stop. May have a random start. Will try sparkling water and spring rolls.

Boat

If I got the plans for this thing, I wonder if anybody would be interested in helping me build it.  I don't have a truck (yet) so would need a friend who had a truck to take it out fishing.

It's just a thought.  I am doing too much already.

I read about these a while back.  I like the 6" displacement of the bottom one.  Here's the site with plans and supplies.

Just found this one:

Dictators (Ordinary Time - Day 24)

1 Samuel 8:1-22

Samuel is a very old man, and he has two sons - Joel and Abijah. Right off the bat, the author tells us his sons are corrupt. They are taking bribes and corrupting justice. It's been about forty years since the chest of God returned to Israel, and not once have the Israelites opened their hearts to receive God. They've repeated the same mistakes as their neighboring cities. They've created their own misery. They give lip service to God but their hearts are for many gods. 

To make matters worse, the two sons of Samuel are not fit to be leaders. They are no better than the people they are supposed to lead. So, what to the people of Israel want? A dictator. They want to be ruled. They want to be puppets. 

Crushed, Samuel prays and seeks direction on what to do. The author says God tells Samuel to give the people what they want, but to warn them about what a king would do to them. God tells Samuel that the people aren't rejecting him, but rejecting God as king.

This is what a king does with sons: makes soldiers of them, makes cavalry of them, makes infantry of them, puts them in battalions and squadrons, puts them in forced labor on his farms, puts them to plowing and harvesting, and puts them to making either weapons of war or luxurious vehicles in which he can ride in.

This is what a king does with daughters: puts them to work as beauticians, waitresses, and cooks.

This is what a king does with property: he conscripts the people's best fields, vineyards, and orchards; he hands them over to his elite friends. He taxes their harvests to support his extensive bureaucracy. He takes the best workers and animals for his own use. He lays a tax on their livestock.

This is what happens when people demand a king: They become no better than slaves. They cry in desperation to a God who gave them what they wanted.

We get whatever we want. The God I believe in is for the people. This story says that God cares so much for the people that he puts their wants over his own. They want a dictator, and he tells Samuel to give it to them. 

Our desires go one of two ways at any given point in time, at any moment. We want bondage or freedom. The author tells us that God represents ultimate free will, and contrasts that with the actions of a king. Which one do we want?

God is not a dictator.

A king is not for the people.

We know which one we want, and no one's stopping us. The question is, how much freedom do we want?

Cleaning House (Ordinary Time - Day 23)

1 Samuel 7:2-16

Samuel's Instructions to Israel for Rescue from Oppression

• Clean house - Take an inventory of all resentments and fears

Name of the Person, Institution, or Principle Resented

Why am I angry? Joe gossiped about me at work.

How did this affect my self-esteem? I felt less than; people thought badly of me and I lost confidence in myself

How did this affect my personal relationships with Joe/people at work? I started acting differently around my coworkers; I couldn't speak to Joe because I was so pissed

How did this affect my ambitions? I used to look forward to having coffee with Joe, but now I can't stand to be around him

How did this affect my security? I lost my ability to trust Joe; I lost my positive self-image; I lost dependence on Joe

How did this affect my wallet? I used to love treating Joe to coffee, but now I'm not giving him a penny.

How did this affect my pride? I am too important to be gossiped about; Joe's biting off the hand that feeds him; does Joe understand how significant I am in his life?

Where am I at fault or blame? I feel less than; I'm afraid of people thinking badly of me: I have a lack of confidence in myself; I'm trying to be a people pleaser; I'm afraid of confrontation; I'm letting someone else's words dominate my current actions; my trust in people is shallow; my self-image is shallow; I was dependent on Joe; I'm self-righteous; I want to be the hero

Fears List

Fear of Insignificance

What is the Opposite? Significance

Why am I fearful of insignificance? Because I'm letting other people define my significance, and not God

Ask God to remove it

Fear of Rejection

What is the Opposite? Acceptance

Why am I fearful of rejection? Because I want other people to accept me without dwelling on the thought that God accepts me just fine.

Ask God to remove it

Fear of Trusting Myself

What is the Opposite? Being skeptical of myself

Why am I fearful of trusting myself? Because I don't want to do the wrong thing.

Ask God to remove it

• Get rid of foreign gods - Make amends with those I've harmed, copying down verbatim from the list  Example: Joe, I was wrong for canceling our plans to have coffee. Is there anything I can do to make it right?

• Get rid of fertility goddesses - Start creating practical ways to walk through fear and not avoid it. Example: With the fear of not trusting myself, I could choose to do one thing every day that I want to do, and don't feel obligated to do.

• Ground firmly in God - Trust God in the process. Example: Pray, spend intentional time alone, meditate, practice breathing exercises, play music, pray before conversations, pray for others, pray "Thy will be done," etc.

• Worship God alone - Repeat process over and over. There is no graduation!!

          

Oxcart (Ordinary Time - Day 22)

1 Samuel 6:1-16

A few years ago, Texas governor Rick Perry called the state into a time of prayer. A severe drought was drying up the state, and the annual crop yield was reduced dramatically. He asked Texans to pray for the healing of the land and an end to the drought. Yet, the drought got even worse and some experts say that we are still in it. 

When the earthquake stifled Haiti, a controversial pastor attributed the disaster to God's curse on the people for making a pact with the devil a long time ago. 

When I first decided to enter into a relationship with my current girlfriend, who was married at the time, I attributed my desires and feelings to God. It was God's doing. I had no control over it. 

When I couldn't stop drinking, I inwardly accepted that God had punished me with a drinking problem and eventually accepted it was supposed to be that way. 

So often, we take our problems and define them as some kind of curse from the heavens. This has been happening for millenia, across cultures, time, and religion. From ancient animal sacrifices to the sun god, to the present day connections between God and famine. We as humans have this innate tendency to take ourselves completely out of the equation when it comes to blessings and curses. 

In today's passage, the Philistine leaders are at a loss on what to do with this chest of God that is seemingly bringing curse upon curse to the people. So, they call together the religious experts to find out how to get rid of it without causing any more problems. The religious experts of Dagonism tell them to make five gold tumors and five gold rats, and attach them to an oxcart. Then, grab to cows and hitch them to the cart. Send them on their way to Beth Sheshem. Here's the kicker: If the cows head home, then they know all the devastation has been divine judgment. If the cows don't head home, it's all been an accident. 

What's the problem with this theory? They are avoiding their own responsibility, their own parts in the chaos that has happened throughout the country. They instead like to think that it's either a product of the gods or a product of coincidence. 

The cows end up heading home, and as soon as the people of Beth Sheshem see the oxcart, they celebrate. They take apart the oxcart, sacrifice the cows, and worship all day on top of a boulder. They are ecstatic about receiving back the chest of God. They know that something good has arrived. 

Yet, two towns over the people are suffering greatly because they attribute their disease and death to the same chest of God that is invoking celebration in Beth Shemesh. 

What is going on here? 

The people of Beth Shemesh view the chest of God as sacred and beautiful, something that brings good things. The Philistines view the chest of God as cursed and tormenting, something that brings catastrophe. 

It's easy to completely write blessings and curses off as God's doing without recognizing even the slightest, insignificant parts that we play in the process. We act as if droughts are signs from the gods, while we neglect the land. On the other hand, we act as if getting over drinking or any other addiction was solely done by God. 

Whether it's blessings or curses, we play a part in both. We get to choose whether we want to create or destroy, and we do both. I don't believe God is in a box or a chest. God is working and active among us, looking for someone - maybe just a few willing people - to play a part in what is going on. I don't think God's looking for people who don't accept responsibility in blessings and curses. I think God wants us to acknowledge first that we have a role to play in the unfolding drama, then to take a role. Whatever the role entails, we act. 

We are invited to work with God, not see ourselves as robots, as beneficiaries of divine judgments and blessings. We play a part in both. What is our part today?

Today's Action: Whenever something good happens today, thank God. Then, name one thing we did to help make the good thing happen. Whenever something bad happens today, thank God. Then, name one thing we did to help make the bad thing happen. 

Dagon (Ordinary Time - Day 21)

1 Samuel 5:1-12

Israel has been attacked by a massive Philistine army. Thirty thousand people are dead. The chest of God is seized. Eli is dead, along with his two sons. The Philistine leaders decide to take the chest of God to Ashdod, and place it in the temple alongside the shrine Dagon. Dagon is the god of grain to the Philistines. Whenever drought comes, the Philistines invoke Dagon's divine power against famine. 

After the chest of God is placed beside Dagon, the citizens find the next morning that Dagon is toppled over in front of the chest. They pick him back up, standing him upright again. The next morning, they find Dagon toppled over, with his head and arms strewn across the entrance to the temple. They find only his torso intact, and decide they probably need to get the chest out of there. So, they take it to Gath.

As soon as it arrives in Gath, people are afflicted with tumors. Young and old, everyone gets tumors. Everyone blames it on the chest of God, so they move it to Ekron.

Before the Philistines are able to move the chest into Ekron, the people protest. They've heard what's happened in the neighboring cities with the tumors and all, and they want nothing to do with it. They've already started getting the same tumors that the other cities got, and moreso rats are starting to swarm the city. People are dying and there is mass hysteria. They stop the Philistines in their tracks because they don't want any more than they already have. 

The chest of God is in the hands of a population who doesn't want anything to do with the God of Israel. They transfer it from place to place, bringing with them tumors, disease-carrying rats, and death. What originally was loot from a rout of Israel, turned into a source of chaos. The chest of God was sacred to the Israelites, booty for the Philistines, and death for the citizens of Gath, Ashdod, and Ekron. The further the chest gets from its roots, the more catastrophe ensues. 

The Philistines placed the chest alongside Dagon, and Dagon fell repeatedly. What were they supposed to do with this thing? 

This story reminds me of late nights at the bar, talking about spiritual things and talking about God. I remember having a heart of shame and a mind of delusion, yet my words made the people around me think I knew what I was talking about. My heart was void of the sacred, yet I tried to make it work. I thought that words and deeds and knowledge would be enough to cancel out all the drunken delusions that were controlling my life, but the more I tried the more I found catastrophe. I couldn't mold the sacred into the delusions of my heart. They just wouldn't fuse together. 

I carried my chest of God - the Bible, my religious experience, my scriptural knowledge - but inwardly my heart had no intention of letting go of my real master. I would blame God, blame my friends, and blame the Church for my problems, but I was blind to my own idolatry. The only reason it was idolatry is because I carried the chest of God, but my heart sought the god of grain. Terror, shame, bewilderment, and fear were the byproducts of God, not the symptoms of my own decision to worship alcohol. 

Everywhere the chest of God traveled, the people blamed their problems on the God of Israel. When tumors came, it was God's fault. When rats swarmed the villages, it was God's fault. Had they not decided to take in the chest of God? Had they not physically accepted the sacred, while inwardly they worshiped their own gods who had been there for thousands of years? 

When we inwardly worship one god, and outwardly worship Jehovah, we are asking for trouble. It's on us though. It's better to go all out worshiping the one we want, and sticking with that one, than trying to worship alcohol and God, or drugs and God, or anything else and God. Eventually, I stayed with alcohol until it stopped providing what I needed. It was only then that I decided to dive into, with everything I had in me, this God I found in the scriptures. 

When we choose to carry the chest of God into our daily lives, we are prone to negative stuff if we're still holding onto Dagan. We may as well drop the chest, and "bop 'til we drop," as my former sponsor says. It just doesn't work trying to carry the chest and Dagon at the same time. God is or isn't. The life of trying to let God and Dagon co-exist is not sustainable. However, when we begin the hard work of letting go of Dagon, we find that it wasn't God who was bringing the plague. We were bringing the plague on ourselves, but were too deluded to see it.

When we drop Dagon, we find a God who loves us more than we can ever love ourselves. We find the sacred that we were always looking for. We find something to believe in, something to hope for, something to get excited about, something to look forward to. We find that joy replaces restlessness, peace replaces terror, and grace replaces shame. We find a God who was there all along, who's heart was in it for us the whole time. We just had to let go of Dagon.  

Sacred Places

I took this picture a couple years ago.  David took me along a trail, then off the trail, across a creek, across this meadow then to a pond. He had an inflatable raft in his backpack.  We caught rainbow trout in the pond.  On the way back, sludging along the trail in the rain, he told me that I was in a company of a privileged few.

It's rich to be in somebody's sacred place, to be trusted in the gardens of sound, the soulful sweet spaces made by passionate people.

To the New Land (Ordinary Time - Day 20)

Deuteronomy 11:1-12

Crazy Voices (Ordinary Time - Day 19)

1 Samuel 3:1-21

I was driving home late last night from a gigging trip to Galveston, and I turned on a radio program called Coast to Coast. It comes on every night after midnight, and callers talk about aliens, government conspiracies, and other dimensions. In order to listen, I had to suspend reality for my drive, because there was no way anything would begin to make sense unless I opened myself up to the possibility that there really were giants living in mounds in Ohio, or a huge mother ship floating in orbit between us and the sun, waiting to pick us up when the "spiritual changes" happened on Earth. 

I thought about the host of the program, and how crazy he must be to actually carry on meaningful dialogue with the callers. I wondered if the callers were actually serious, or if all the weirdos came out at night, if the loonies were waiting all day to have their chance to share their visions and theories. As a friend of mine once said, "There's a screw for every nut out there."

When we talk about visions from God, or revelations, or God communicating with people, my immediate retort is to think about the dialogue that happens on Coast to Coast. It seems so bizarre, so outlandish, and so unreal. Yet, there are real people communicating what they really believe. To the unfamiliar ear, it sounds like something out of Space Odyssey, but to the person speaking it's absolutely true. 

In today's story, the boy Samuel keeps waking up in the middle of the night hearing a voice. The old man Eli is sleeping in the other room, so Samuel runs to his room and says, "Here I am. I heard you calling." Yet, Eli tells Samuel he in fact wasn't calling. "Go back to bed dude." Eli's a sound sleeper because he can hardly see or hear.

Samuel comes running back again. "I heard you calling again. How can I help you?" 

Eli: "I didn't say anything. Go back to bed."

It happens a third time. Samuel repeats the same process, but this time Eli recognizes that Samuel is experiencing something really freakish. He tells Samuel to go back to bed, but this time to say, "Speak God. I'm your servant, and I'm ready to listen."

There's one line in this whole passage of twenty-one verses that jumps out at me. It says, "This was before Samuel knew of God for himself." Samuel didn't have his own conception of God, any knowledge of God, or any intellect about God, yet this invisible being was trying to communicate with him. Is that not Coast to Coast-ish? I want to suspend reality as if I'm listening to the radio program and talk about communication between man and God. Here we go.

Suppose I'm sleeping one night, and I hear a voice. I don't know if the voice is even real, but I get up and run to my roommate's door and start knocking. I say, "I heard you calling me. What do you need?" The roommate says he was sleeping soundly and didn't say a word. He thinks I'm dreaming or crazy and tells me to go back to bed. I repeat this process three times, and I think my roommate's playing tricks on me. Finally, the roommate gives in and says, "Okay. Don't come back here because the voice is not mine! I've got to work in three hours and you're screwing up my sleep. Leave me alone and do this: the next time you hear the voice, acknowledge it. Say something like, 'I'm here captain. I'm your assistant and I'm listening.'"

I follow my roommate's instructions and I hear the voice again. This time, I've completely suspended reality and I'm tapping into a dimension of craziness that I've never even considered. After acknowledging the voice, and calling it captain, and saying I'm ready to listen, the voice says, "You know that preacher of yours? His sons are ripping off the church, and sleeping with the girls who are working in the nursery. I'm ready to shake up the church. I'm gonna bring down the hammer and take care of business. I want you to go tell him what I've told you, word for word." 

This helps me relate a little bit better to what's going on in this story, but I already have a conception of God. I already have a bunch of knowledge and preconceived notions. Samuel didn't. So, we've got to go a little deeper. Who are the prophets with a strong, unbiased word to give to the church in today's world? In this story, Eli represents the inside, intellectual, experienced voice of religious authority. Samuel represents the curious, open-minded, young, ambitious teenager searching for truth. 

Is it possible that if prophets are real, we are looking in the wrong places to hear them? Is it possible that God is actually speaking to people, right here, right now, all around us, but we're heading to the wrong places to hear what they have to say? 

This was before Samuel knew God for himself.

Is it possible that when it comes to prophets, their voices are coming less and less from behind the pulpit, and more and more from the normal, everyday places like work and fitness centers and grassy medians? The story of Samuel and Eli turns upside down my notions of where I go to hear a word from God. I can't hear him. I can't see him. I can't touch him. 

Is it possible that I need to spend more time seeking out the voices of open-mindedness, who haven't put their beliefs into a box and taped it up, considering it done? Yes. Eli was the aged, seasoned veteran who knew what to do, knew how to follow all the rules (and still knowingly let people be taken advantage of), and knew how to check all the right boxes. It was all about the boxes. It was all about finality, a means to an end. 

Samuel was young, ambitious, and had a mind that could still take in new things. He was open to suspending reality and for a moment listening to the crazy voice that woke him up at night. He was open to following through on what the crazy voice told him. Do we stay open to the crazy voice inside of us, or are we letting the prophetic voices of normality and perfect packaging persuade us that the voice isn't real? 

Where are we looking to receive validation for our crazy notions and ideas? They seem crazy because, well, they are. They're there, hiding out in our hearts, waiting for something to kickstart them. Yet, we continue to let the voices of close-mindedness shut them out and discount anything that seems out of the ordinary. What about the dreams we had as children? What about the dreams we have now? 

I think that when we suspend reality for just a moment, and think about our dreams, ambitions, and desires, we soon get side-tracked by the other voices. Maybe they're inside our own heads, or maybe they're coming from outside. It seems too crazy, too idealistic, too unusual to follow through. We're left with notions that tell us, This can't possibly be real. There's just no way this could happen. 

Yet, we take a brief look through history and see folks like Martin Luther King, Jr and Ghandi. We see folks like Bono and Mother Teresa. We see people who gave their lives to listening and seeking out the voices that woke them up in the middle of the night. Against all odds, against tremendous opposition, and against the status quo, they sought it out and devoted their lives to it. 

We all have the opportunity to listen to the crazy voice that is telling us to do crazy things. We have the choice. We have to look no further than the passion, the zeal, the ambition in our own hearts that just won't go away. We can sweep them under the rug time after time, but it just won't go away. 

The greatest thing about it is, Samuel didn't yet know God for himself. 

And we don't have to know God for ourselves yet, either. 

Tiki Island

It's 4:39a.m.
Just back from Tiki Island.
Harbor side.
Sunny side.
Pool.

Moon!

Caught fish.
Not me!
Net net!
EMF!

Filleted hand.
My hand.
Stitches.

No!

I'm retarded.
I'm resmarted.
I just farted.

I get in trouble.
I don't listen.
I aggravate.
I gravitate.

Eighty Percent
No Percent

Smelly hands.
A bloody hand.

I smell like fish.
I'm a mess.
Stealing cigarettes.
Stealing pirouettes.

Schmooze
Blues
Food

Dues

I smell like fish heads

Old crust
Belly bust
Fish rust
Blood gush

Salt
Slime
Beer and lime

Head ache
Trout bake
Give and take

Sleep awake

Blind Eye Leadership (Ordinary Time - Day 18)

1 Samuel 2:27-36

There was a guy who used to work at the job I'm currently employed at. One weekend, he decided to sneak out about 100 pounds of shrimp. He was caught on camera, and fired once it was proven that the shrimp were stolen.

My employers view their business as a ministry. They see the restaurant as a mission field, as a place where they can invest in the lives of the people they employ. They want it to be a training ground for life, a starting place for future jobs. My employers pray for us, care about us, and do everything they can to help us grow and stretch our faith. 

One of the hard parts about being an employer though is balancing the tension between grace and discipline. I would say it's the toughest part about being in any position of authority. When someone is obviously doing things that don't fall in line with the vision of the mission, do we use grace or discipline or both?

In today's passage, the high priest Eli is receiving word from a prophet. The prophet is conveying a message from God. He says that because of Eli's refusal to demote his sons - who are ripping off the people who bring sacrifices and sleeping with the women who come to work at the sanctuary - his family will not live to see the good things that God does in Israel. I think it's interesting that in this story, the prophet doesn't go directly to the errant sons, but to the father, the authority figure. Eli is held responsible not for his son's actions, but for his own inaction. 

I don't believe I'm responsible for anyone else's actions except my own. I can't control what other people choose to do. However, I can control what I do. Eli was probably full of fear of what his sons might do or say if he demoted them or kicked them out of their positions as servants to the sanctuary. He questioned what they were doing, and told them it was wrong, but they didn't listen. He turned them loose and kept them on board, even though they continued to take advantage of other people. It was Eli's inaction that brought consequences. 

I think the same is true for us. There is always tension between grace and discipline, but when they are byproducts of fear, both are insufficient. I would like to make a note that the passage doesn't say that Eli was taken advantage of by his sons. The people who were taken advantage of were the people who were doing what they were supposed to do. What did they receive for it? Corruption, theft, and rape. These guys were doing some pretty gnarly things. Eli saw what they were doing, slapped them on the wrist, and walked away, turning a blind eye. 

There's this phrase that I've heard commonly used, and I've even used it several times: "You have to fight your own battles, not other people's." I believe this is true to an extent. However, there are battles that we have signed up to step into. There are situations that we are responsible to step into when injustice is occurring. When my employers hire somebody, they are accepting the responsibility of having to one day fire them if needed, or promote them if necessary. This is what employers do. To turn a blind eye would severely affect the mission of the business, putting the whole staff in jeopardy. They had no control over whether the employee stole or not. They did have control over letting him go or keeping him. 

I cannot keep people from making bad decisions, and I can't make people make good decisions. Hell, I can hardly do it for myself. However, if I have stepped into a position of leadership, whether it be at work, school, church, or family, I've accepted the role of stepping in when people are hurting other people. I have responsibility there. I can't control the results but I can do something. I am responsible for doing something. 

I think this works for all of us. We've all stepped into forms of leadership in some form or another. If we're good at something, or have any talent at all, then we have something to share with the world. We have something to teach. We are leaders at giving away whatever talents we have. When injustice is happening around us, we have two choices: turn a blind eye or create a way to act. What are we going to do today?

Today's Action: At the first sign of injustice today, create one way to do something. Whether it be a homeless person standing on the street corner, or someone at work putting a coworker down, do something. Lets take turning a blind eye out of the playbook today.

Rip-Offs (Ordinary Time - Day 17)

1 Samuel 2:12-26

Imagine hearing news that your priest is skimming off the top of the church's collections so he can build a mansion. Imagine turning on the news and seeing a report that a well-known minister is going to jail for child abuse. Imagine seeing firsthand a staff member of a church beating up a homeless person. Imagine being a newcomer to a church, and being told by the preacher to give all your money to avoid the fiery pits of hell. 

It's not that hard to imagine this stuff, because it really happens. It happens way more than we know. The major stories get out to the public, but the smaller more discreet stories stay behind closed doors. We see them going on around us, and it angers us. It makes us want to abandon whatever ideas that were spurning us to walk through the doors in the first place. We abandon the church, the religious leaders, and God altogether. We're at a loss for words because our spiritual desires have been replaced by a burning resentment toward the exact ones who were supposed to lead us and give us hope. 

What do we do when this happens?

In today's passage, we're told that the two servants of the priest, who happen to be his sons, are not faring well in the public eye. They're breaking the rules they agreed to as sanctuary servants, and are stealing the meat that people are offering up to God. They're ripping people off and sleeping with the women who come to help out at the temple. Despite being told by their father - the high priest - that what they are doing is absolutely wrong, they keep it up. 

All the while, there's this boy Samuel. He's now a teenager. He's wearing his priestly garb and following the instructions in the book Priesthood for Dummies. The author tells us that while all this stuff is going on with the two corrupt servants, Samuel keeps serving God. It doesn't say that Samuel takes a stand against the corruption. It doesn't say that he starts maneuvering his way around to climb up the spiritual rankings in order to outdo his backsliding brothers. He simply continues serving God. 

One of the hardest things for me to do is let go of my expectations of what a religious leader should be like. I expect them to be perfect. I expect them to be flawless. When they screw up, I feel a sense of anger and am compelled to do something about it. I'll start talking about them to my friends. I'll start putting them down. Yet, somehow in the process of seeing a wrongdoing and then reacting, I lose out on my own responsibility - to simply keep serving God. 

The church is broken, as well as every other institution on the planet. The political system, the economic system, and the religious system. They're all broken. I would actually be surprised to go a whole week without finding out about some form of corruption in either of them. 

When we look around and see our very own leaders acting in ways that make us cringe, their is one thing left for us to do. Keep simply serving God. Just like in the passage in which Samuel keeps his mouth shut and focuses on his own responsibilities, we keep our eyes focused on how God is growing and leading us. When we begin drifting off of that onto other people's wrongdoings and poor standards, we start taking on their characteristics. 

Have you ever complained about somebody else's wrongdoings, and then found yourself three days later so full of resentment that you couldn't seem to keep your mouth shut? I have many times. What usually starts out as a "healthy" outlook on someone else's mistakes quickly becomes a source of deep-seeded prejudice and eventual hypocrisy. 

Whether we experience it at work, school, in the church, or in politics, corruption is everywhere. Our job is to keep letting God be the judge, and continue focusing on simply serving. When we keep our eyes focused while the leaders around us seem to be living counter to the way we think they should live, we find ourselves standing on solid ground, confident in our own pursuits.

We all have our own unique interpretations of who God is, what God is like, and what God wants us to do and be. It's enough work to hone in on these aspects of the spiritual life, without constantly needing to gauge everyone else's lifestyles and actions. When the leaders around us are showing us what not to do, it's up to us to keep doing what we know to do. We don't have to be affected by what's happening around us. It may make us angry for a bit, but we have to find a way to stay aligned with our understandings of God, and to keep focusing on that. Let God be the judge of everyone else. 

Today's Action: Today, we will experience corruption. Perhaps we will be a part of the corruption. When we see it, pause and pray, "May your will be done in this situation, and not mine." Keep our eyes focused on what we're doing, and not what everyone else is doing.

Hannah's Song (Ordinary Time - Day 16)

1 Samuel 1:21-2:11

"I'm filled with a hunger for God!

I'm on a pink cloud.

I'm laughing at the people who said I wouldn't amount to anything.

I'm dancing through life because I've been rescued.

Nothing and no one is sacred like God,

no Rocky Mountain like our God.

Don't even think about talking arrogantly - 

not a cocky word ever!

God knows what's going on.

God is paying attention to everything that's happening.

The drones of the strong are smashed to pieces,

while the weak are given fresh strength.

The ones with full bellies are out begging on the streets for crumbs,

while the hungry are at the buffet line.

The woman who's been unable to conceive has a houseful of children,

while the woman who has countless kids is deprived.

Death and life both belong to God,

as well as going to the grave and raising back to life.

Poverty and wealth both belong to God;

the lowering cloud of depression and the elevating light of life.

The poor are put on their feet again;

Hopeless and weary lives are patched up with fresh hope,

with dignity and respect restored.

The mysterious processes of the universe belong to God;

God's operations are laid out on a foundation that lasts.

God cares for the faithful who take life one step at a time,

and lets us stumble around in the dark if we choose.

No one makes it in this life on willpower alone!

I want my enemies to be blasted out of the sky,

crashing down to earth to be made into a bonfire.

God will set things right everywhere - every nation, city, and town,

and will give strength to my son,

and will set my son on top of the world!"

Taunted (Ordinary Time - Day 15)

1 Samuel 1:1-20

There was once a man named Elkanah, and he had two wives - Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah had children, and Hannah didn't. Peninnah gave Hannah hell year after year, taunting her and telling her she was cursed by God. Every year, Elkanah would gather the family together and they would go to a city called Shiloh to worship and offer a sacrifice to God. 

Every time Hannah went to the sanctuary, she was taunted and reminded of her "curse." This happened for years, and Hannah would cry and starve herself from the depression that she faced. Her rival wife's words made her wonder if she really was cursed by God. She wondered if there was some truth in what Peninnah said. 

Fed up, Hannah slipped away and quietly went to the temple herself. She was alone. She pulled herself together as best she could, and just fell on the temple floor in prayer. She was desperate. She was done. She had no other solutions. So, she made a vow.

She prayed that God would take a good look at her pain and go into action for her. Then, she asked God for a son. She promised that she would give her son completely and unreservedly to God and set him aside for a life of holy discipline. Basically, she promised that if God gave her a son, she would give him back.

While she was in the temple praying, her pain was too deep to verbalize. Her lips moved but no sounds came out. It was one of those prayers deep in the heart, the kind that comes from a heart that is crushed and exhausted. The priest of the temple was sitting in his customary seat at the entrance, and saw that Hannah was crying. She had been there for awhile, shaking in despair, praying from the bottom of her heart. Eli, the priest, figured that since she was in such an awkward position and since her mouth was moving but no words were coming out, she was drunk. He approached her and said, "Woman, sober up! Get yourself together! How long do you plan on keeping this up?" 

Hannah defended herself and told Eli she hadn't been drunk, but had been beat up and desperate. She explained to him that she was praying to God. Eli became convinced that she was telling the truth, and sent her on her way with a blessing. Hannah and Elkanah eventually had a son, and she named him Samuel.

Sometimes, our family members and our priests discount our sincere pursuits. Hannah was taunted year after year by her rival wife, and she was discounted by the high priest Eli. Outside of the temple and inside the temple, Hannah was discounted. Yet, she knew that there was only one solution to her pain, and she couldn't fix it. Out of a broken and sincere desire for an answer, she fell to the temple floor in prayer. She didn't care about the words anymore. She didn't care that the whole time the priest was eavesdropping and trying to get in the way. She had one thing on her mind, and it was to ask God to help her. 

We have the ability to look past the words that come our way from skeptical family members, friends, and priests, and look into the heart of God. We see our own pain, our years of torment, and our suffering, and eventually we have one place more to look. It's in these moments where people fade away, words fade away, and all we have is the deep longing in our hearts to seek the One who doesn't discount our prayers and longings. When we go to bed at night, it's just us and the invisible God, the One who hears our hurts and wants to help. 

Many of us have let the words of our families, friends, and priests dominate us and determine what our lives should look like or be like. We've compromised our own belief systems to fit the mold of the people around us. Because of it, we're resentful at the church, religion, and religious people. Our compromises ended up not working, and we were left to wander around, acting like we were solid in our faith, but really we were trying to fit a mold all along. 

When the pain gets hard enough, we forget all the bullshit. We get on our knees and cry out. We ask for help. At the end of the day, it's just us and God. When we go to sleep at night and wonder about the life ahead of us, how we got to here, and how we're going to get any further, we realize that we are really alone in the world. We've got intuition, longings, and desires that can't be fashioned or taken away by any human being. 

We have the ability to connect with God despite what we are told about how foolish our desires are. We have the ability to be in his presence inside or outside of the temple. Taunting and discounting happen inside and outside the temple. When the pain gets bad enough, we'll go to any length to ask God for help. 

Today's Action: Think about a time in life when our ideas or desires were discounted or taunted by others. What did we do? Did we give up because we didn't fit the mold, or did we stick with it? 

Sunday Morning Ted Talk (Ordinary Time - Day 14)

Matthew 18:1-14

Leap (Ordinary Time - Day 13)

2 Corinthians 13:1-14

My birthday is coming up this month. It will be a celebration, hopefully involving the zoo, paintball, go carts, or a movie. For some reason, I have this sense of wanting to go out and do something to celebrate my 31st. Usually, I'm okay with sitting around and eating cake and ice cream, but this time I want to get out and do something with family and friends - something that will bring us all joy.

The idea of celebrating birthdays sort of helps me see where Paul is coming from this morning. As a person who sees limitations as negative most of the time, Paul says to celebrate them. More than that, he says that we have the ability to test our faith - to see if we are solid or floundering. As a general rule in our society, we don't really celebrate our failures or limitations. Limitations, pain, and suffering are things to be avoided at all costs.

But what Paul is saying is, how we view our limitations directly affects how solid we are in our faith. First of all, I'd like to delve into the whole idea of limitations. I'm right in the middle of a situation in which I have a laundry list of limitations, and instead of celebrating them I have been banging my head against the wall trying to avoid them. In effect, I am writing this piece as a motivation for myself in my current endeavors.

A limit is a boundary between me and something outside of me. It means I don't have whatever necessary tool is required to get to point B. I'm stuck back at A. The phrase "take a leap of faith" comes in here. This phrase is used when these situations occur. I watched the opening premier of Superman the other night, and one phrase stuck out in my mind.

Superman went to see a priest. He was stuck in the middle of knowing who he was and knowing who he was destined to be. He knew he had powers that could be used for good, but also knew there would be opposition. He knew he would be rejected and shun as an outcast. After he confessed to the priest what was going through his mind, he got up and started walking out the door. As he was leaving, the priest said to him as one last bit of wisdom, "Sometimes we have to take a leap of faith first, and do the trusting later."

This sentence really stuck home with me. When I'm up against the unknown, I want my ability to trust to be 100%. In a way, I want all my ducks to be in a row before I decide to move on. Superman was debating whether he wanted to keep himself out of the public eye in order to prevent the rejection and opposition that would come. He wanted to let his limitations be the gauge that kept him where he was. Yet, with the words of the priest, he walked out the door with a sense that he had something to give the world, and he was going to celebrate that by "taking a leap of faith."

Paul says that the surest way to keep a check on our faith, is to take a look at our limitations - to give ourselves "checkups." In my current situation, my limitation is the fear of the unknown. It can do two things: keep me where I'm at, or be a cause for celebration for where I could go.

Jesus alludes to this in the sermon on the mount, when he says, "If you want to be my disciple, you must leave your . . ." The checkup Paul is telling us about is whether or not we are actually using our faith to venture into the unknown, that unfamiliar territory that we know is beyond where our eyes can see and our senses can be engaged. He's almost saying, "Have you used your faith lately to celebrate your limitations?"

Back to the birthday celebration. When people come together to celebrate anything, it's usually a landmark in life. It's a celebration of moving from one place in life to another. For me, it will be moving from age 30 to age 31. For funerals, it's moving from one place to another. For graduations, it's moving from high school to college, or from college to the business world. Celebrations are about transitions. Our limitations are here as landmarks, signs, of transition. They are our reminders that we were created to thrive, evolve, and grow, and to use the things that we were wired with to help make the world a better place.

Just as Superman had powers that could be used in amazing ways to help the world, he also had limitations. He could have chosen to put his powers on hold and lock himself up in the house with his mother, choosing to shelter himself from the outside world and build his own little comfort zone. Think of all the potential that would have been locked away. Think of all the good things that the world wouldn't get to witness.

Limitations are our signals of something more. They are causes for celebration. They are here to move us forward, out of ourselves and into something bigger than ourselves.

Today's Action: Give ourselves a checkup. What is one limitation in our lives? Are we viewing it as a signal of transition and celebration, or avoiding it to prevent rejection and failure? If we are willing, may we embrace this limitation as a catalyst for stepping into the unknown.