Unplanned (Ordinary Time - Day 64)

2 Samuel 7:18-29

Albert Einstein once said, "We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them." 

I create my problems, usually using other people, God, and Satan (if I'm really reaching), as the scapegoats - the causes of my problems. If I were still drinking, I would still be trying to figure out how to cut back. I would still be trying to change brands, change bars, and change people. I would still be trying to figure out the perfect formula to get the perfect buzz without all the trouble that comes with complete belligerence. I would still be trying to figure out how to go out and drink with friends but to stay out of jail, or to stay away from the wheel.

There comes a point in time in every problem that my thinking just doesn't work. 

Drinking is one of those problems that I gave up trying to fix. I had to get a whole new set of attitudes, ideas, and emotional arrangements. My way stopped working long before I ever stopped drinking. 

But then, there's these other problems. I still look at porn when I think that I can sit alone in front of a computer and resist. I still get resentful when I think I can take criticism. I still want to control people when I think I can surrender my illusion of power. I still think that "hitting the bottom" is the only way out of my problems. It's the only way I'll get to the end of my thinking, and rely on a different solutions. 

But yet, there is life. I woke up this morning with sober breath and sober ambitions. How is it that I went from wanting to drink for thirteen years, not being able to stop once I started, to one day not wanting to ever drink again? How is it that I had a tremendous fear of a God who was out to get me, a God who was surely going to rip my life apart for the wrong I had done, but one day woke up with a brand new ideal of a God who is loving, generous, and merciful? 

At some point in every problem I face, there comes a time when I can either keep using the same thinking under the delusion that I have the answer, or I can give it up. Throw it out. Rely on a power much brighter than my own intellect. 

Who am I that God should remove my obsession to drink compulsively and dangerously? Loved.
Who am I that God should give me perseverance to write day after day? Loved.
Who am I that God should be available whenever I'm ready to stop using my problem-infused thinking? Loved.
Who are we that we have an alternate way to go when our thinking drives us deeper into our problems? Loved.
Who are we that we've been up against the walls of life, with no solutions of our own, only to find ourselves filled with strength that just didn't seem to be there before to get through? Loved. 

I don't believe the places I'm at in life are coincidences. I look back over the scripts of all the stories in my life, and the best word I can use to describe it is divine. Obviously, I took some action to get to where I am in life, but if I were to sit down three years ago and outline my future, it would look nothing like I would have planned. 

Looking back over all the stories, I see that there were people, places, and situations that I couldn't have scripted. There are so many interactions and events that helped pave the way to where I am now, but the thing is I didn't plan those. Here's a few:

Writing

• I never planned on meeting the man who would set my passion on fire
• I never planned on reading my stuff at coffee shops
• I never planned on reading my stuff at churches

Small Group

• I never planned on starting a small group
• I never planned on meeting the man who would inspire me to start a small group with him and his wife

Work

• I never planned on getting a call from a guy about another job
• I never planned on becoming the general manager of the restaurant I work at
• I never planned on being offered a job
• I never planned on turning down the job

There are so many stories like this, and I had nothing to do with some of the key elements. I didn't create them. I just happened to be there in that moment of time. Who am I that the Universe, or God, or Positive Energy, or Jesus, or the Holy Spirit, or whatever label we want to use would choose to bless me? I've done nothing except be a receiver of affection, a vessel of God's love. I've created more harm than good and will continue to create more unrest than peace. Yet, I'm pretty confident that the same God who has helped me get to where I am today will continue showing me the way to tomorrow. 

Today's Actions: Take out a piece of paper. Make three headings for three significant events in life right now (like work, church, school, relationships, etc.). Under each heading, look back and think about key people and events that we happened to be in the right place and the right time for. Think about the conversations and events that we didn't plan. They just happened. List those under the headings. When we're done, reflect on how unscripted and unplanned our lives really are. Think about the possibility that we've received help from an outside source in getting to where we are today.

Mortar (Ordinary Time - Day 63)

2 Samuel 7:1-17

I'll never forget going back to see my house after hurricane Ike came rolling through Galveston. It literally looked like twelve feet of water came surging through it. The ceiling fell through. The stairs going up to the front door were moved to the back. The walls were covered with black mold. I could see the water line, showing me the history of what happened while I was partying in San Antonio, waiting out the storm. 

My office was completely gutted, with wires hanging from the ceiling. What used to be a desk was displaced two hundred feet from where I used to sit. Remnants of supplies like staplers and computers were scattered around the property. Fish were poking through the chain linked fence like a cast net. Cars were hundreds of feet away from parking lots, boats were sitting on freeways. It looked like hell had given Galveston a visit.

Everything that once had meaning was reduced to a pile of rubble, meaningless and dirty, and it would take years to rebuild. 

In today's passage, we're told about a house. It's a different kind of house. It's a house that is built to last and persevere through the trials of life. It's a house made of people.

Instead of mortar, it's our very heartbeats that provide the adhesive. The foundation is God's love, binding us together in a way that can't be broken. We are each wired in a way that contributes uniquely to the construction of this house, and whatever material it is, it's not an insignificant one at all. We've each been given a unique role to play in the maintenance of this house.

It's so easy to spend this time in the morning preparing for the day, then forgetting everything by the time I walk into the job. I no longer see the people I work with as vital parts of the house, but random, insignificant products of procreation. Depending on the day, I'll think that I'm the one who has the significant role, while everyone should look to me to find their significance - a role that is reserved for the founder and not I. 

But, then there's those days where it just seems to come together. I see what I'm supposed to see. The people around me aren't insignificant or random pawns in the game of life. They are equal parts in a give and take construction and maintenance of a house that's grounded in a power none other than God. When my eyes are opened to this phenomenon, I realize that the world is not some random, evil, entity but full of people who are each contributing to a house much bigger than anything I could ever imagine. People become vital parts of the whole. I become a vital part of the whole. I begin to realize that my part is just as significant as everyone else's. 

Bricks, mortar, and wood are replaced with love, compassion, and tolerance. The cement foundation is replaced by an undeniable power that sustains and grounds us. We start seeing past the surface of the physical world and begin seeing that a spiritual realm really does exist in the human heart after all.

Today's Action: Try to see below the surface. Try to see the people I interact with today as vital parts in the construction of a house built on God's love. Try to see the good in humanity and not potential threats to my plans.

Sunday Morning Ted Talk - Young-Ha Kim: Be an Artist, Right Now!

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/young_ha_kim_be_an_artist_right_now.html

Candle Walk (Ordinary Time - Day 61)

2 Samuel 5:22-6:11

When I lived in Galveston, there was a six month period of time where we had weekly gatherings. We would take turns leading the time together and would do things like pray, play worship songs, and read from the scriptures. The people who came were from all walks of life - homeless, obese, black, white, male, female, students and full-time employees.

It was a time when people could leave their troubles and worries at the door. People could sit down, take a load off, and speak their mind regardless of how crazy or sane they sounded.

One of these nights, it was my turn to lead. So, I spent a few hours setting up a candlelight walkway in the darkness underneath our house. There was a storage area underneath that was big enough for a bunch of people to sit comfortably, so we used this area lots of times to throw darts, drink beer, and talk about life.

As I created the candlelit walkway, I was thinking of who would be walking down the path I was creating. The walkway led to a chair, and in front of the chair was a tub full of warm water. There was also a coffee table set up with blank notecards on it for people to write down confessions. As I continued setting up the foot washing station, any prejudice I had toward anyone in the group melted. I knew that there was no way I could wash anyone's feet if I was thinking about how annoying, or fat, or lazy they were. As I kneeled in the darkness, my roommate upstairs gave instructions on what to do, and I prayed that I would somehow lose any stereotypes I currently had in my mind.

The space was sacred, and silence filled the room. As each person came down the candlelit walkway, one by one, they stopped by the table to write down a confession, then plopped down in the chair in front of me. It was humbling for all. It was in this time that beliefs didn't matter. What we did wrong last night or earlier today didn't matter. Our struggles and successes didn't matter in that moment because we were all standing on ground that was saturated with a love that was bigger than us. We were an audience, gazing into the heart of a power much bigger and more compassionate than any of us.

This was the same ground that blood would be spilled onto. This was the same ground that was covered with used syringes and porno magazines when we first moved in. This was the same ground where drifters would break in to find shelter from the elements. Yet, this ground was transformed the night when everyone's differences turned into one similarity - we were loved more than we could ever imagine.

I believe God was there that night. Moreso, I believe God was there every night before that.

So often, I think we feel the need to conjure up the spirits like a medium trying to communicate with the dead. The idea of church has become more about a strategy of contacting the dead in a place that is sprinkled with man's touch of holiness, than waking up to the reality of a present, living God saturating all the places we would consider unworthy, despicable, and secular. We ask God to fill the place, but what we're really asking is for the ability to see how the place is already saturated with divine compassion.

It's our eyes that need adjusting as well as our hearts and minds. We categorize and label everything as either holy or secular, determining for the world who's worthy of the God in a box.

On that night underneath my house, I was opened to the reality that God is not contained in any space. It's my eyes, mind, and heart that are contained. Wherever I go and whomever with, I have the opportunity to wake up to a sacred world. I have the opportunity to wake up to an already present Reality, an already holy ground.

Drawing

Just back from gigging with Jon, Kristen, Joe and Taylor.  Got three flounder in San Louis Pass.  Before that, kids converged here at the house.  We talked and drew.

I feel like the day isn't finished even though it's 3:39a.m. 

Torn.

Running Around Like A Chicken With Your Head Cut Off

Sleep!

MC²

Einstein Quotes:

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity.

Imagination is more important than knowledge.

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.

Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom.

Perfection of means and confusion of ends seems to characterize our age. (goes with picture and last night's tail eating lizard).