Knees (Ordinary Time - Day 36)

1 Samuel 15:24-35

After Samuel confronts Saul and tells him that he's a bad boy, Saul confesses. Samuel won't have anything to do with the confession. Saul says, "I've trampled over God's word and your instructions. Please take away my sin! I've become a people-pleaser, letting them tell me what to do instead of listening to you."

Samuel says, "It's over with you."

Saul tries again, "Please, I've done wrong! Don't abandon me! Come with me to the temple and lead me to the altar so I can worship God."

The second time works. Samuel walks with Saul to the temple. Saul gets on his knees, and it seems like he's really having a change of heart in this scene. This scene reminds me of the television series Hatfields and McCoys. It's about two families who have been fighting with each other for generations, and they are constantly in a power struggle, killing each other off. You never know who's going to
have the change of heart next, who's going to turn into the hero or the enemy. In this scene, Saul is on his knees. He's the contrite, regretful man who sees his wrongdoing and wants forgiveness for it.

Samuel on the other hand is not on his knees in worship. He represents the religious leader who's disciplining the wrongdoer. While Saul is worshiping, Samuel asks him, "Bring me King Agag."

King Agag was the one who Saul left alive when they took over the Amalekites. Samuel condemned Saul for keeping him alive because he claimed that God told him to kill everyone in Amalek - men, "You've left many a woman childless, and your mother will be one of them!" He takes out his sword and cuts him down.
women, children, sheep, and cattle. In the sanctuary, in the presence of God, Samuel takes one look at Agag and says,

It sounds like Samuel had some bad blood with Agag. This is the first time the mention of childless women has come up. According to what Samuel said before, the Amalekites were to be killed for ambushing Israel when they were being delivered from Egypt. Perhaps, Samuel's family ties were affected by Agag and there was a personal vendetta going on. Perhaps Agag hurt Samuel's mother. We don't know. But, for some reason, this is the first time that Agag's leaving women childless has come up.

Saul and Samuel both leave immediately. Samuel returns to Ramah, his hometown, and Saul returns to Gibeah. The scriptures say that Samuel grieved over Saul for a long time, and the author closes the chapter with the sentence, "And God was sorry he ever made Saul king over Israel."

Samuel was done with Saul. It didn't matter what Saul said or did, how sincere he was in his heart about confessing. None of it mattered. Samuel had enough of Saul's defiance. But, if it was truly God's instruction that Saul was breaking, then why was Samuel so upset about it? Why was Samuel so upset that Saul kept Agag? Did God really tell Samuel to kill all the Amalekites, or was that Samuel's screwed up interpretation of what God was saying?

We'll never know the answer to these questions, but we have to ask them.

I choose not to put Samuel up on a pedestal, higher than everyone else. He's just as screwed up as Saul is. Saul is confessing, and opening his heart up to Samuel, but he won't have anything to do with it. He's too busy trying to tie up his loose ends with Agag and trying to save face with God.

Saul gets vulnerable for the first time in a long time, sees how fragile he really is, and Samuel turns away from him.

We experience this, don't we? Have you ever placed yourself in a vulnerable position of confession, only to find that you were sitting in a group of wannabe therapists and not true friends?

I was involved in a Bible study once with a group of friends. I was interested in learning more, but trying to be as open-minded as possible. I made a commitment to be honest about the scriptures we studied, and if I didn't believe something, I was going to be honest about it. So, we were going through this one passage of scripture, and I questioned the leaders' interpretation of it. I didn't believe the same way he did. Instead of hearing me out on why I didn't believed, the bible study turned into a group therapy session. I got angry about it because I was trying to be vulnerable and honest about where I stood on the topic, but the group assumed that I was wrong and needed to be fixed.

The bible study eventually ended early because I started getting defensive and angry. I was trying to tell the group that I was just being honest, not looking for a quick fix for my messed up belief systems. I felt like I couldn't fit in. I felt crazy, like I was the only one in the world who believed the way I did. In reality, I was the only one in the group who believed the way I did.

I left doubting, wondering, and questioning. I thought about never going back. I was pissed that the people I considered my friends had taken on the role of therapists and soul winners.

About four years ago, I would have have left and never returned. I would have sent out angry emails. I would have gossiped about them. Instead, I talked to my sponsor, and he gave me some of the best advice I've ever received. "Go back until you get what you need."  I did. I went back for another month, and I learned how to sit in a room with people I disagreed with, and at the same time be vulnerable and honest about my belief systems regardless of what they thought or how wrong they thought I was. This was an invaluable lesson.