1 Samuel 18:5-16, 27b-30
I
work hard at my job. One of my responsibilities is taking care of all
the desserts. I do the orders, make sure the inventory is well stocked,
and make sure the product is what the customers want. A new guy was
hired onto the staff, and I had never met him before but knew he was a
former employee. He had history with company and with the owner. He had
more history than I did. The first day I met him was in the freezer. He
was taking a dessert out to thaw. Feeling like he dipping his hand into
my cookie jar, I asked him, "What the hell are you doing?" If I let him touch my desserts, he would soon be taking my job.
I play the harmonica and do vocals sometimes for the band at church. We would practice every Friday night, and I loved it because my friends who I'd normally played music with had all gone their separate ways. My time playing in front of everybody on Sundays decreased and I felt like I was losing my position. I was afraid that people weren't going to get to hear how awesome I was and think great things about me. I started noticing that one of the girls who was a member of the church kept getting asked to sing. I was pretty sure that she didn't put in the work that I did. I'm pretty sure she didn't even show up to practice on Friday nights ever. Every Sunday she sang, I wondered why I was sitting in the congregation and she was singing on stage. She had the spotlight that I craved.
A friend of mine who first led me to A.A. became an elder at my church. I also lived with her and her husband and kids. We had spent many late nights talking about how bad we'd screwed up in life, and we helped each other out in our difficulties. When she became an elder, she received more responsibilities. She became higher than me. People liked her more than me. She was included in decisions for the church that I wanted to be part of. When the elders came to have their monthly meetings, I would have to go upstairs so they could hash it out. I wasn't invited. She was just a drunk like I was, but was given responsibilities that I could only dream of.
When Saul and his army came back from taking care of the Philistines, the women of the surrounding villages poured out and started celebrating. They danced, played music, and sang. Included in the song was, "Saul killed by the thousands, and David killed by the ten thousands."
This made Saul really angry. The reality was that David hadn't killed ten thousand. He killed one - Goliath, but the fact that the women viewed David as a more fierce warrior than Saul infuriated him. He got so angry that while David was playing his harp for Saul to calm him down, he threw his spear at him, attempting to nail him to the wall. Saul became very fearful of David and his popularity, because it was overshadowing his. So, he made David an officer in the army so he wouldn't have to see him. But, David kept succeeding. He was on everyone's radar. He was becoming a household name. The more popular and successful David got, the more fearful and hateful Saul became.
I have this tendency of getting fearful when the people around me succeed more than I do at what I'm good at. I could care less if people succeed at things I'm not good at. I seem to be unaffected when I don't know the person as well. It's when the people I do know succeed at what I'm good at that I get jealous, then envious, then resentful, then hateful.
If I don't do something about it, I'll start creating ways to avoid the person. I'll go out of my way to avoid them. What it really means is that if someone I know is doing better at something I'm good at, then I'm failing. I have to be the best at what I do.
What was missing in Saul's life was the ability to celebrate David's success. What was missing in my examples was the ability to celebrate my friends' successes.
The
truth is, I don't want any of my friends to write better than I do. I
don't want any of my friends to sing or play harmonica better than I do.
I want to be the king. I want them to bow down to my skills while I
lord it over them.
I need help. I don't wanna throws spears at my friends for succeeding in areas that I'm good at. I want to encourage them and share the success. I want to build them up and push them to be even greater. But, my mind tells me they're threatening my superiority. They're threatening my reputation, my power, my know-how, my talent. They're out to destroy me. They've set their whole life out to make themselves look better than me.
I don't want to throw spears at my friends.
Today's Action: If any of my peers shows signs of succeeding at something I'm good at, I'm going to pray first. Then, I'm going to celebrate their success. I'm going to push them and encourage them, not manufacture ways to hinder their success.
I play the harmonica and do vocals sometimes for the band at church. We would practice every Friday night, and I loved it because my friends who I'd normally played music with had all gone their separate ways. My time playing in front of everybody on Sundays decreased and I felt like I was losing my position. I was afraid that people weren't going to get to hear how awesome I was and think great things about me. I started noticing that one of the girls who was a member of the church kept getting asked to sing. I was pretty sure that she didn't put in the work that I did. I'm pretty sure she didn't even show up to practice on Friday nights ever. Every Sunday she sang, I wondered why I was sitting in the congregation and she was singing on stage. She had the spotlight that I craved.
A friend of mine who first led me to A.A. became an elder at my church. I also lived with her and her husband and kids. We had spent many late nights talking about how bad we'd screwed up in life, and we helped each other out in our difficulties. When she became an elder, she received more responsibilities. She became higher than me. People liked her more than me. She was included in decisions for the church that I wanted to be part of. When the elders came to have their monthly meetings, I would have to go upstairs so they could hash it out. I wasn't invited. She was just a drunk like I was, but was given responsibilities that I could only dream of.
When Saul and his army came back from taking care of the Philistines, the women of the surrounding villages poured out and started celebrating. They danced, played music, and sang. Included in the song was, "Saul killed by the thousands, and David killed by the ten thousands."
This made Saul really angry. The reality was that David hadn't killed ten thousand. He killed one - Goliath, but the fact that the women viewed David as a more fierce warrior than Saul infuriated him. He got so angry that while David was playing his harp for Saul to calm him down, he threw his spear at him, attempting to nail him to the wall. Saul became very fearful of David and his popularity, because it was overshadowing his. So, he made David an officer in the army so he wouldn't have to see him. But, David kept succeeding. He was on everyone's radar. He was becoming a household name. The more popular and successful David got, the more fearful and hateful Saul became.
I have this tendency of getting fearful when the people around me succeed more than I do at what I'm good at. I could care less if people succeed at things I'm not good at. I seem to be unaffected when I don't know the person as well. It's when the people I do know succeed at what I'm good at that I get jealous, then envious, then resentful, then hateful.
If I don't do something about it, I'll start creating ways to avoid the person. I'll go out of my way to avoid them. What it really means is that if someone I know is doing better at something I'm good at, then I'm failing. I have to be the best at what I do.
What was missing in Saul's life was the ability to celebrate David's success. What was missing in my examples was the ability to celebrate my friends' successes.
I need help. I don't wanna throws spears at my friends for succeeding in areas that I'm good at. I want to encourage them and share the success. I want to build them up and push them to be even greater. But, my mind tells me they're threatening my superiority. They're threatening my reputation, my power, my know-how, my talent. They're out to destroy me. They've set their whole life out to make themselves look better than me.
I don't want to throw spears at my friends.
Today's Action: If any of my peers shows signs of succeeding at something I'm good at, I'm going to pray first. Then, I'm going to celebrate their success. I'm going to push them and encourage them, not manufacture ways to hinder their success.
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