Mouthpiece of God? (Ordinary Time - Day 35)

1 Samuel 15:1-23

Samuel, the mouthpiece of God, shows back up in the scene. He claims that God has given him his message to give to Saul: "Place a holy ban on the Amalekites. They ambushed Israel when I brought them out of Egypt, and I'm going to get them back. I want you to murder every man, woman, child, infant, sheep and cow in the place. Make no exceptions."

The story goes on that Saul follows these orders, except he makes exceptions. He doesn't kill King Agag, and he keeps some sheep and cattle along with Amalekite plunder. He doesn't follow instructions to the tee. 

Now, I apologize if I'm not sticking with the narrative that the author is trying to convey, which is Saul not following God's instructions, but I'm stuck on a different narrative. 

The author tells us that God told Samuel to tell Saul to murder anyone connected to the Amalekites - including infants. 

I'm stuck on this. If this story is true, then how can murder and abortion be wrong? If the God of Israel decided to use a man - Saul - to commit murder and kill innocent babies, then where is the line drawn? If Saul's specific instructions were to do this, and this was straight from the mouth of God, then where does this inherently Christian notion come from that God is against murder and abortion?

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. 

The God I believe in doesn't tell people to kill his children. So what's going on here?

Maybe this wishful thinking, or maybe trying to make the scriptures fit my belief system. Honestly, don't care because I'm searching for truth and I don't have it. So, here's my shot at figuring out what's going on here.

If Samuel were alive today, there would be a place for him. It would be dark, full of iron, and located within miles of barbed wire. That place would be called prison. Why? Because thousands of people have claimed that God told them to murder. We call them serial killers.

There are three things that I see could be happening here. 

1. Samuel is doing his best to interpret what God is telling him, and is not getting it quite right . . . or

2. The author is using metaphorical language to make sense of life . . . or

3. God promotes murder.

In the deepest core of my existence, I believe that God is not a God who avenges his enemies. We are all at one point or another enemies of God according to the scriptures. 

Here's what I believe about this passage: Samuel does not hear the voice of God perfectly. In listening to God, Samuel makes sense of what he hears through the filter of the human condition. It makes sense to seek revenge and murder people who stepped on the toes of the Israelites long ago, so that's what Samuel hears. It's a fusion of the voice of God with the state of the human heart. 

The mainstream narrative that comes out of this story is that God will kill if he needs to, if all we have is this story. But, that's not a narrative that I want to sink my teeth into. There are many people in this world, myself included, who read these stories when we were young and were indoctrinated into a belief system of an angry, wrathful God. I personally had to let go of that conception. Why? Because my life is a mixture of all the characters in the story - good and bad. 

I am Saul who thinks he's way more important than he really is. I'm Samuel who tries to listen to God and be the mouthpiece of God, but just doesn't get it right. I'm the Amalekite who helped ambush the people who God was rescuing. 

The only instance the author gives us of first person account of God speaking is this: God says he wishes he would have never made Saul king because he's turned his back on him. Out of the 23 verses that are in this passage, only two are written by the author as actually coming straight from the mouth of God. All the rest are behind closed doors, given to Samuel to interpret and give to Saul. 

If believing that God is not a proponent of murder and baby killing means believing that Samuel heard what he wanted to hear from God and not what God actually said, then I'm okay with that. 

I believe that God is trying to use us to push forward redemption and restoration, not vengeance and retaliation. I believe that everyone is redeemable, and everyone is at one point or another an enemy of God. However, we're all given the opportunity to look inside ourselves, clean house, and become friends and partners with God.