Let me tell you a little about my financial status. Currently, I have eight dollars in my bank. I went way over my Internet allowance, so I got penalized big time - like three times the amount I normally pay. The day I got my Internet bill, which was last Thursday, I didn't have the money to pay it. I would have fallen $150 short, because my income gives me an allowance of $60 for Internet.
On Friday, I received a phone call from a friend who asked if I could housesit. After a little discussion, he asked me if $150 would be okay. I didn't ask for it, but he offered it. And, he left it on the kitchen table for me and I was able to deposit it in the bank a day before the bill was due. I was given exactly what I needed to pay all my bills this month with the help of my friend.
Then, there was the homeless lady yesterday. She was standing on the median, wearing a burqa. She held a sign. She spoke a language I didn't understand. I had eight dollars in my bank, but thirty dollars in my pocket. Looking at the options in my hand, I gave her the twenty and she said Thank You. I said Thank You back.
The reason I bring all this up is because there is a fire ignited inside of me. It's something bigger than me, smarter than me, more courageous than me. There is this spirit inside of me that leads me to do things that just don't make sense, but at the same time make so much sense. This lady on the median got me out of myself, and was a flesh and blood reminder that there is an economy much deeper and more profound than the status of the stocks of the day. I also bring this up because if you were to take a video camera and follow me throughout one day of my life, you would find that I get irritated a ton, have problems with wanting to control the people around me, and have an affinity for the fantasy land of pornography.
Sometimes, I have this nagging question in my head that asks, "Am I the only one struggling here?"
The people I work with are spiritual giants. They love so well, and it doesn't take them much to decide to do nice things for other people. I look to them for this. That's why I love working where I work. I am being pushed by the people around me to care for the world around me. They are my spiritual heroes, and they don't even have a clue. I'm the one who philosophizes all the time about Jesus and spiritual concepts, but also the one who will struggle the most with thinking about others more than myself.
There is this fire, this flame, this spirit inside of me that is ignited. It's making a clean sweep of my life, opening my eyes to a world beyond the physical realm. It's foolish and illogical. It enables me to look in the eyes of a homeless lady, and feel relieved that there is one more person struggling to make it, to make sense of all this stuff. There is one more flesh and blood reminder that deep at the core of this life, there is a common heartbeat, a common language, a common struggle, and a common spirit.
There was something freeing about looking at the bills in my hand and saying to myself, This isn't mine. In the same way that $150 was provided, my needs will be taken care of.
There is this spirit inside all of us. It's been called many different things over centuries. Holy Spirit. Holy Ghost. Karma. Intuition. Sixth sense. God-consciousness. Spirt of Jesus. God's Spirit. Positive Thinking. Positive Energy. Human Spirit. Whatever name we call it, we can most likely agree that it is there, compelling, moving, igniting, cleaning, and whispering.
It's making a clean sweep of our lives, sorting out everything that's true from everything that's false. It's wooing us to move past the black and white systems of the physical world, and into a realm beyond our senses - a realm that can only be explained through our connection with this mystery inside.
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