The other day, I was watching the horse at the house next to my girlfriend's.
It was trying to make contact with the horse just across the fence, but they were separated. So, this horse kept standing up on its hind legs, almost as if it was trying to climb over the fence.
Every time it did this, the owner would send the dogs over to the horse to calm it down.
The dogs would come, and the horse would start running wildly, trying to get away from the dogs.
As I was watching this, it made me think of how, lately, I've been trying to get connected with my innermost self. I've been trying to stick to what I know. I've been trying to pave out time to work on my writing, and do the things that I'm passionate about.
Yet, as soon as I attempt to do so, the dogs come chasing after me. I start running like a wild man, trying to get away from the voices, and they push me away from doing the things that I want to do.
So, each day, as I fill out my planner, I include writing on my to-do list.
But, for the last three weeks my plans have gone out the window. There's been a detour every time.
And it doesn't help that lately I've had some insanity going on between my ears.
What I've found is, these detours from my plans have shown me a whole new way of thinking (and living). Self-sacrifice is doing those things that I don't want to do. It's knowing what my plans are for the day, but realizing that God may have something completely different on the agenda. What is humility but saying yes to those things I really don't want to say yes to?
I've needed the detours it turns out. I didn't know how complacent I was until I started getting out of my routine. I didn't know how much of a tornado I was being until I started telling people yes instead of telling people that I had stuff to do.
At some point I stopped doing the hard work of paying attention. I stopped living for the moment, and stopped taking stock of my day.
So, resentment, fear, selfishness, and dishonesty were going unchecked.
As an extremist, I don't do well at maintaining balance. But, somehow I've got to learn how to do the things I want to do as well as the things I don't want to do - not to throw one or the other out the window.
It's nearly impossible to do the things God created me to do without seeing through the filter of emotional sobriety. If I can't keep my side of the street clean and keep the demons in check, then it's gonna be hard to pour time into the things I love to do. But, it's gotta come first.
It was trying to make contact with the horse just across the fence, but they were separated. So, this horse kept standing up on its hind legs, almost as if it was trying to climb over the fence.
Every time it did this, the owner would send the dogs over to the horse to calm it down.
The dogs would come, and the horse would start running wildly, trying to get away from the dogs.
As I was watching this, it made me think of how, lately, I've been trying to get connected with my innermost self. I've been trying to stick to what I know. I've been trying to pave out time to work on my writing, and do the things that I'm passionate about.
Yet, as soon as I attempt to do so, the dogs come chasing after me. I start running like a wild man, trying to get away from the voices, and they push me away from doing the things that I want to do.
So, each day, as I fill out my planner, I include writing on my to-do list.
But, for the last three weeks my plans have gone out the window. There's been a detour every time.
And it doesn't help that lately I've had some insanity going on between my ears.
What I've found is, these detours from my plans have shown me a whole new way of thinking (and living). Self-sacrifice is doing those things that I don't want to do. It's knowing what my plans are for the day, but realizing that God may have something completely different on the agenda. What is humility but saying yes to those things I really don't want to say yes to?
I've needed the detours it turns out. I didn't know how complacent I was until I started getting out of my routine. I didn't know how much of a tornado I was being until I started telling people yes instead of telling people that I had stuff to do.
At some point I stopped doing the hard work of paying attention. I stopped living for the moment, and stopped taking stock of my day.
So, resentment, fear, selfishness, and dishonesty were going unchecked.
As an extremist, I don't do well at maintaining balance. But, somehow I've got to learn how to do the things I want to do as well as the things I don't want to do - not to throw one or the other out the window.
It's nearly impossible to do the things God created me to do without seeing through the filter of emotional sobriety. If I can't keep my side of the street clean and keep the demons in check, then it's gonna be hard to pour time into the things I love to do. But, it's gotta come first.
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