1 Samuel 1:1-20
There was once a man named Elkanah, and he had two wives - Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah had children, and Hannah didn't. Peninnah gave Hannah hell year after year, taunting her and telling her she was cursed by God. Every year, Elkanah would gather the family together and they would go to a city called Shiloh to worship and offer a sacrifice to God.
Every time Hannah went to the sanctuary, she was taunted and reminded of her "curse." This happened for years, and Hannah would cry and starve herself from the depression that she faced. Her rival wife's words made her wonder if she really was cursed by God. She wondered if there was some truth in what Peninnah said.
Fed up, Hannah slipped away and quietly went to the temple herself. She was alone. She pulled herself together as best she could, and just fell on the temple floor in prayer. She was desperate. She was done. She had no other solutions. So, she made a vow.
She prayed that God would take a good look at her pain and go into action for her. Then, she asked God for a son. She promised that she would give her son completely and unreservedly to God and set him aside for a life of holy discipline. Basically, she promised that if God gave her a son, she would give him back.
While she was in the temple praying, her pain was too deep to verbalize. Her lips moved but no sounds came out. It was one of those prayers deep in the heart, the kind that comes from a heart that is crushed and exhausted. The priest of the temple was sitting in his customary seat at the entrance, and saw that Hannah was crying. She had been there for awhile, shaking in despair, praying from the bottom of her heart. Eli, the priest, figured that since she was in such an awkward position and since her mouth was moving but no words were coming out, she was drunk. He approached her and said, "Woman, sober up! Get yourself together! How long do you plan on keeping this up?"
Hannah defended herself and told Eli she hadn't been drunk, but had been beat up and desperate. She explained to him that she was praying to God. Eli became convinced that she was telling the truth, and sent her on her way with a blessing. Hannah and Elkanah eventually had a son, and she named him Samuel.
Sometimes, our family members and our priests discount our sincere pursuits. Hannah was taunted year after year by her rival wife, and she was discounted by the high priest Eli. Outside of the temple and inside the temple, Hannah was discounted. Yet, she knew that there was only one solution to her pain, and she couldn't fix it. Out of a broken and sincere desire for an answer, she fell to the temple floor in prayer. She didn't care about the words anymore. She didn't care that the whole time the priest was eavesdropping and trying to get in the way. She had one thing on her mind, and it was to ask God to help her.
We have the ability to look past the words that come our way from skeptical family members, friends, and priests, and look into the heart of God. We see our own pain, our years of torment, and our suffering, and eventually we have one place more to look. It's in these moments where people fade away, words fade away, and all we have is the deep longing in our hearts to seek the One who doesn't discount our prayers and longings. When we go to bed at night, it's just us and the invisible God, the One who hears our hurts and wants to help.
Many of us have let the words of our families, friends, and priests dominate us and determine what our lives should look like or be like. We've compromised our own belief systems to fit the mold of the people around us. Because of it, we're resentful at the church, religion, and religious people. Our compromises ended up not working, and we were left to wander around, acting like we were solid in our faith, but really we were trying to fit a mold all along.
When the pain gets hard enough, we forget all the bullshit. We get on our knees and cry out. We ask for help. At the end of the day, it's just us and God. When we go to sleep at night and wonder about the life ahead of us, how we got to here, and how we're going to get any further, we realize that we are really alone in the world. We've got intuition, longings, and desires that can't be fashioned or taken away by any human being.
We have the ability to connect with God despite what we are told about how foolish our desires are. We have the ability to be in his presence inside or outside of the temple. Taunting and discounting happen inside and outside the temple. When the pain gets bad enough, we'll go to any length to ask God for help.
Today's Action: Think about a time in life when our ideas or desires were discounted or taunted by others. What did we do? Did we give up because we didn't fit the mold, or did we stick with it?
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