Ripped (Ordinary Time - Day 54)

2 Samuel 1:1-16

David has just routed the troop of Amalekites that his battalion went after, while the rest of the Israelites are being routed themselves. Unannounced, a young soldier shows up to the place where David and his men are staying.

The soldier falls to his knees and tells David he has news to report. Saul and Jonathan are dead. David presses him for details, and the young soldier tells him the story: "I was walking along and found Saul leaning on his sword. Saul looked behind him and saw me. Then he called me over and said, 'I'm nearly dead, but my life hangs on. Put me out of my misery. I'm an Amalekite.'"

So the young soldier did what Saul asked. He put him out of his misery. Then, he removed Saul's royal headband and bracelet, and brought them to David.

When David heard this news, he and his men went into a grieving fit. They ripped their clothes and cried all day long. After David came back to his senses a little bit, he asked the young man who he was anyway.

The man said, "I'm from an immigrant family - an Amalekite."

David asked him, "Were you not afraid to up and kill God's anointed king?"

David ordered one of his men to kill the guy. So, one of his soldiers struck him with the sword, and the young man died. David said, "You asked for it. You sealed your death sentence when you said you killed God's anointed king."

When we talk about David - the man after God's own heart - we talk about heroism, humility, and the good things. We tend to lose sight of other side of the story. In this story, David is a ragehead. He's ready to pounce on whoever goes against his wishes. When he went after Nabal, his journey was stopped by the efforts of Abigail. But this time, there's no such interference. David gets offended and reacts with murder.

This makes me ask the question, "If David was always seeking after God's own heart, then was God's own heart made of revenge?" Was David striking down this soldier who did what he was told an imitation of God's own heart?

Unless I prepare myself for the day, as I am right now, I'm liable to pounce on anybody who disagrees with me, offends me, or does anything that knocks me off balance. That's human nature. But, there's also this part of me that wants to do the opposite.

The way we seek God can't be generalized. In one moment, I'm affirming the people around me, and in the next moment I'm cutting them down to shreds. Human emotions mixed with divine spirituality make up for a journey that is raw, exciting, and nasty.

I would consider myself seeking after God's own heart, and here's what I did yesterday: I showed up later than any of my coworkers to work, even though I'm the manager; I skipped helping some dear friends move out of town because I wanted to sleep for two hours; I listened to a hurting friend; I stole some dessert from work; I prayed three times; I didn't clean the house like I wanted to; I got pissed at some folks for interfering with my schedule; I had a great conversation with some friends about intimacy; I invited a friend over to play video games until 4:00 in the morning; I skipped another opportunity to help my friends move, and this was the last chance to see them before they moved out of town.

When we talk about David being a man after God's own heart, we need look no further than ourselves. David was not this superhuman, flawless character who did all the right things and knew all the right answers. He was just like us. He sought peace and revenge. He sought God and himself. He sought love and hate.

Often times, we put ourselves and our faith lives so short of what they actually are when we read about the "heroes" of the Bible. Yet, we forget one thing. If the stories were all about how men and women did all the right things, and earned an A plus from God then I don't know about you, but I'm screwed.

I see a story about a God who is pulling characters forward in spite of themselves - a God who is letting the characters have a say in which direction they turn, but urging them forward nevertheless. Right in the middle of human emotion, human messiness, and human misunderstanding, there is a Power greater, working to pull humanity forward to redemption.

I believe in a God who isn't expecting me to do all the right things, but to do something. I believe in a God who loves me just the same, whether I'm holed up in my room with a computer screen full of tits and ass, or giving everything I have in my pocket to a friend who needs gas money. I believe in a God who is in the business of redemption and restoration, not revenge and punishment.