(Based on Romans 14:1-12)
About a year ago, my friend invited my to join a Bible study he was leading. It was to be once a week, every Sunday night, and we were going through first Corinthians. This was at a time when I was in the process of "unlearning" everything I thought I knew about salvation, Jesus, forgiveness, and everything that comes with this idea of a relationship between me and God. So, I sat in the first night ready to question everything, and I did. It went great.
The second week, things went down hill fast. The topic of salvation came up, and I knew this would bring up controversy. I believe that salvation is not attained through asking, but that it's already happened - that I just have to wake up to it. This was not the belief of the folks sitting in the room though. As soon as I disclosed my beliefs on the issue, everyone jumped in on the action. It was a dog fight. We ended up having to shut the study down for the night because it got so heated. It was so tense that we left the house we were at and went somewhere else to continue the discussion until 2:00 in the morning. I was angry, defensive, and sarcastic. I felt as if the others in the group were pretty convinced that I was absolutely wrong, even though I was only stating what I believed. It got nastier and nastier.
Towards the end of the long discussion, one of my friends told me they could "see the devil all over me." We agreed to disagree when all was said and done. Now, we stick to conversations that don't revolved around theology, and it works. However, when I left that night, I had to do some really hard thinking. The words I heard were hard to swallow, and I had to pray hard and long for strength in sticking to my faith and not the faith of my friends.
There was a reason why I proposed the arguments I did, and there was a reason why the others posed the points that they did. The reason was, we all had unique histories that have shaped how and what we believe.
In today's passage, Paul talks about personal histories. He says that when we criticize and speak condescendingly to each other, we are left looking pretty silly. Each one of us has a unique twist on how we view the world, spirituality, and life. Yet, we are all "invited to God's table" to share life together. When we speak condescendingly to each other, Paul says it's like "crossing someone off the guest list." The way we handle other peoples' belief systems can either be a blessing or a curse, and I know all too well what it looks like to be intolerant of differing belief systems. I have condemned, gossiped, and character assassinated many people in my life over differences in belief. What it does is narrow the world down to one, singular, narrative and makes every other narrative wrong or misguided.
This is what happened in that small group. We were each viewing theology through our own, individual narratives and not allowing any room for differences. We each considered our own belief systems to be absolutely correct, and the others' to be incorrect. What came from that was division, hostility, and judgment, the exact thing Paul says is not supposed to happen.
The solution that Paul gives when it comes to differences in belief is straightforward: "If there are corrections to be made, God can handle that without our help." When people believe differently than we do, it's not up to us to fix the situation. The truth is, we can't fix anything or anybody, and we've got our plates full trying to work on ourselves. Paul says to accept everyone around us as the guests to the dinner table that they are, not as potential guests waiting for our acceptance. God is the one we account to, not people.
We all have histories. I do, say, and believe based on my history. There is a reason behind everything. I have to be able to see this in the people I disagree with, otherwise I'll view them through the lens of my own narrative, leaving no room to hear what they have to say.
Today's Action: Disagreement will come. Remember that we all have histories behind why we believe the way we do. Practice being open-minded enough to listen without trying to fix or persuade others to adhere to our points of view.
I have a recent example of listening without trying to fix or persuade. The first, I took my father in law out to eat. Along with him, I invited a neighbor who is very conservative. My father in law loves to talk guns, border control, progressive take over, small/big government etc. I wanted to give him the chance to go hog wild. Bring my neighbor, I thought, would make the door even more open. It was good invitation and furthermore I steered the conversation that way.
ReplyDeleteWhen my father in law first arrived I asked what he wanted. He wanted a thick fried fillet of fish. I coerced the waitress into getting the chef to fry what would otherwise be grilled. This was at Top Water Grill (?)
The conversation rolled alongside the laughs of seagulls and Jimmy Buffet. I enjoyed the conversation. The conversation didn't devolve into a rant or any repetitious nonsense.
I don't know if it is disingenuous to listen for the sake of caring. I had no point to make. I really wanted to understand where it was they were coming from.
The last few days, and that conversation too, I heard: Vetter we don't see eye to eye but we are on the same page. Something to that effect. Maybe it was something like, "We are coming from different places but we are here now." We didn't have to agree to disagree.
You know, now that I write this, I think it's when we write people off is when it is bad. It sometimes takes stamina not to especially if the other party is extremely hard headed or trying to convert. I think that is when my wall goes up.
I'm rambling now.